DRAGON SLAYER
FADE IN:
INT. TAIWANESE OPERATIONS COMPOUND AND ANTENNA FIELD AT DONG HOI, SOUTH VIETNAM - DAY
Several Taiwanese radio operators are intercepting the messages of Chinese radio operators they hear on their earphones. Others are grabbing previous messages from a pile and translating them into English. The atmosphere in the room is one of urgency bordering on crisis. Throughout this scene is the SOUND of a HELICOPTER, beginning softly and RISING IN VOLUME, continuing into the next scene.
The CAMERA DOLLIES along a wall with photographs of these men standing and clowning with an American helicopter gunship crew in the compound's landing zone. The number on the tail of the chopper is 7-4-6. There are also two flags - one American and one Taiwanese - and pictures of LBJ and Chiang Kai-shek. The CAMERA MOVES outside a window.
EXT. PERIMETER OF COMPOUND - DAY
The compound is in a remote mountainous area surrounded by jungle growth. In an eerie early morning light, two South Vietnamese soldiers are on guard near a rear entrance. One of the soldiers suddenly pricks up his ears and turns to his companion, motioning silently toward nearby jungle growth. He holds his M-16 at the ready and walks toward the source of the noise. His companion slings his M-16 on his shoulder and follows close behind him. He slips a knife from a sheath.
The second soldier places one hand around his companion's mouth and plunges the knife into his back. As he does so, dozens of well-armed, black-clad Viet Cong emerge from the jungle. One of them slits the throat of the dying soldier. They rush silently through the gate into the compound.
EXT. BIRD'S EYE VIEW OF VIETNAMESE MOUNTAINS - DAY
In the same eerie early morning light, the shadow of a helicopter is skimming over a triple-canopy jungle stretching endlessly across Vietnamese hills and valleys. FX: SOUND of chopper.
CLOSE UP on nose and plexiglas cockpit of chopper. A pilot and co-pilot wearing olive green flight helmets. Below them, the chopper's nose art depicts in vivid colors a fierce dragon being ridden by a scantily clad and very well-endowed young woman. The dragon is roaring and sending out streams of fiery smoke from its nostrils. The woman is waving a sword.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Six men are inside a United States Army Bell UH-1C Huey chopper: pilot, co-pilot, crew chief and door gunner. Of the two passengers, one is a prisoner in handcuffs. One is a military policeman.
Weapons - bags of Claymore mines and crates of grenades have been crammed into every available space. An M-60 machine gun is positioned ready for action in each of the two open cargo doors.
On the bulkhead are neatly painted black letters:
82ND ASSAULT HELICOPTER COMPANY
MAJOR BRYON WHITE
COMMANDING
Except for the MP, the men in the helicopter are combat-hardened veterans. It is especially obvious in their eyes: the Vietnam "thousand yard stare." The crew chief is sitting on ammunition boxes lining the cargo deck's bulkhead, his flight helmet off, as he tugs on the stubborn string loops of its earphones.
Most of the men are in their mid- to late-20's, suggesting, perhaps, that this is their second or even third tour of duty in 'nam. The MP, on his first tour, is about 19. His helmet liner is unspotted and his boots are spit-shined. The others wear faded fatigues, dirty combat boots, flak jackets and .45's. The pilot and co-pilot are wearing their normal chest armor.
The magic marker message on the back of the door gunner's flak jacket reads:
HAPPINESS IS A COLD LZ
That on the back of the crew chief reads:
DON'T SHOOT - I'M SHORT!
Only the prisoner wears a soft, narrow-brimmed flop hat. He is also the only one wearing green-and-black striped "tiger" fatigues - symbol of the hunter-killers of the LRRPs - Long Range Reconnaissance Patrols. In addition to poorly healed shrapnel wounds, his hands and face bear the scars of long nights lying in wait in jungle ambushes - lacerations from elephant grass and bites from ants, mosquitoes, termites, leeches. Areas of his face retain traces of his greenish-black camouflage paint; as if he just came out of the bush. If anything, he appears even more the classic picture of a combat-hardened veteran than the others. By comparison, his MP guard appears boyish and unseasoned.
FX: During these opening shots, we HEAR the following radio conversation (V.O.) between helicopter and base:
PILOT (HARD BONES HAGGERTY)
Dragon base, this is Dragon seven.
Do you copy? Over.
BASE
...Dragon seven, this is Dragon
base. Over.
HARD BONES
Dragon base, Dragon seven has
accomplished its mission and
is on its way home. Over.
BASE
Dragon seven, your CO requests
your present position and esti-
mated time of arrival. Over.
HARD BONES
Dragon base, we are 35 clicks
southwest of Phu Bai and ETA is
one hour. Over.
BASE
Copy, Dragon seven. Your CO
requests mission report on
Firebase Alpha. Over.
HARD BONES
Firebase Alpha completely evacuated.
The slicks took the troops; we took
the weapons. However, please be
advised we have one prisoner and
one MP on board as our first priority
and will be making an unscheduled
stop at Ahn Lo. Over.
BASE
Say again, Dragon seven. You have
one VC prisoner on board? Over.
HARD BONES
Negative, Dragon base. Prisoner
is American. Over.
BASE
...Copy, Dragon seven. However, CO
asks for a report on weapons. Over.
HARD BONES
Dragon base, please advise CO we have
a shitload of armament on board
including enough Claymores to mine
every rice paddy in Vietnam. Over.
BASE
Dragon seven, your CO refuses
to believe you could have loaded
all the weapons he requested and
be back so soon. Over.
HARD BONES
Dragon base, while it is true that a
shitload of weapons does tend to
affect one's flying speed, please be
advised that a United States Army
Bell UH-1C Huey gunship knows how
to haul ass when the right helmsman
is at the wheel. Over.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
In the few seconds of silence, the pilot and co-pilot exchange smiles.
BASE (V.O.)
Roger that, Dragon seven. Happy
flying. Dragon Base out.
HARD BONES
Roger, Dragon base. Dragon Seven, out.
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Again we see the nose art on the helicopter but as the SHOT WIDENS we see beneath the nose art the name:
DRAGON SLAYER
MAIN TITLES BEGIN HERE
The chopper in the sunlight. The helicopter's tailboom reads UNITED STATES ARMY. On its tail is the number: 7-4-6. Perhaps also CLOSE SHOTS of the main rotor hub and tail rotor; of the two 7.62 mm rotary (six-barrelled) mini guns and of the two rocket pods.
On the underside of the fuselage, the crew has painted a large bullseye target with scores inside each circle. Over the target it reads:
VC TARGET RANGE: HAPPY SHOOTING!
In the doorway, the watchful door gunner (KOOL-AID) grips his M-60 machine gun slung on its elastic bungee cord from the roof of the cabin.
EXT. JUNGLE - KOOL-AID'S POV
The jungle is grudgingly giving way to the smoke of cooking fires, ricefields, banana trees and the tops of thatched roofs. Villagers and water buffalo. Fishermen net-casting for fish. Farmers peddling traditional chain-pumps as well as cone water buckets to raise water from one level to the next.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The pilot switches to tower frequency on his radio.
HARD BONES
Ahn Lo Tower, this is Dragon seven...
Ahn Lo Tower, this is Dragon seven...
Suddenly, a frantic VOICE breaks in on the emergency frequency radio. The VOICE is in Taiwanese-accented Mandarin with the exception of occasional CRIES for help in English.
CO-PILOT (FOX)
What the hell is that? Charlie on
our frequency again?
HARD BONES
Chinese. Something about...Jesus
Christ, it's Dong Hoi! They're being
overrun!
MP (ROBERT LARSON)
I thought we were fighting Vietnamese.
GREENWOOD (PRISONER)
No, sonny, this is the listening post at
Dong Hoi. Chinese radio ops were brought
over from Taiwan. They're on a mountain
listening in on communications inside China.
LARSON
Dong Hoi?! That's VC territory.
GREENWOOD
Yeah. The Brass decided that if the shit
hit the fan these boys could get them out in
time. How much you want to bet they won't?
The excited radio operator is becoming nearly hysterical. We begin to hear the SOUND of GUNFIRE. All four crew members hear everything in their earphones; the MP and the prisoner can hear the pilot's side of the conversation over the SOUND of the turbines and blades.
FOX
Jesus Christ! They haven't got a chance!
HARD BONES
Dragon base. This is Dragon seven. Over.
BASE
Dragon seven, this is Dragon Base. Over.
HARD BONES
The Taiwanese ops at Dong Hoi are
on the air screaming for help.
Request permission to assist. Over.
BASE
...Dragon seven, this is your company
commander. We are aware of the situa-
tion at Dong Hoi. Carry on with your
present mission. Over.
HARD BONES
Sir, I repeat, the VC are apparently
overrunning Dong Hoi. I can be there
in minutes! Over!
BASE
Dragon seven, I repeat, your request
is denied. You could not reach them
in time and, in any case, Dong Hoi is
not your mission. Over.
HARD BONES
Dragon Base, twelve Taiwanese lin-
guists are about to be killed! I
might be able to save them. Over!
BASE
Dragon seven, you will proceed with
your present mission! You will not
- repeat - not render assistance to
Dong Hoi! That is a direct order!
Any attempt on your part to do so,
and I will have you up for an imme-
diate court-martial! Over!
HARD BONES
Are you insane?! If you don't care about
the men, what about the intelligence
documents?! That station is handling
top secret, cryptographic material! Over!
BASE
Request denied! Proceed with your
mission! Over!
HARD BONES
If the VC get their hands on those
documents, they'll know every move-
As Hard Bones stops talking abruptly his co-pilot reacts.
FOX
What?! What's the matter?!
HARD BONES
(into the radio)
You son-of-a-bitch! You bastards
want Charley to overrun the base;
you've planted false documents. Over!
As the men scream to interrupt each other on their keyed radios, it creates static and jams their frequency until the other relinquishes.
BASE
Dragon seven, get off the air
immediately! That is a direct
order! So help me God, I'll have
you crucified! Get off the air!
Dragon Base out!
HARD BONES
That's why you sent us to help eva-
cuate Firebase Alpha. That's not
our mission; you just wanted us out
of the way. You goddamned- (static)
BASE
Captain Haggerty, I am ordering- (static)
HARD BONES
A dozen Taiwan linguists sacrificed
for some kind of CIA stunt. What did
the spooks promise you for cooperating,
Major? A promotion? Over.
BASE
That's it! You get back here imme-
diately and consider yourself under
arrest! I will personally- (static)
The pilot cuts him off; for several seconds the crew listens to the radio SOUNDS of AK-47s and the SCREAMS of Taiwanese ops. Then silence; then the SOUND of Vietnamese voices. Then nothing.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
GREENWOOD
(to crew chief)
Some hot-shot chopper crew.
The crew chief (WIZARD) has pulled out a Bible and is looking for a quotation. The Bible has a silver clasp, large red capitals and black text. Wizard glances at Greenwood then turns away, ignoring him.
GREENWOOD
You boys gonna be known as the
crew that fucked up at Dong Hoi.
The hot-shots that got the Chinks
killed. You boys were their
security. Some security.
The prisoner and the MP are close together but, except for them, anyone not speaking into the intercom system must shout to be heard over the WHINE of the turbine engine and the SOUND of the rotors. When the crew chief SHOUTS to be heard we hear his pronounced southern accent.
WIZARD
Your problem, Greenwood, is that
you don't know when to shut up!
LARSON
His problem is he killed a man and
he's going away for a long time!
Greenwood moves closer to the crew chief (WIZARD).
GREENWOOD (cont)
See, chief, the thing is, I only
killed one man, whereas you - you
boys got a dozen killed. All
because good little soldiers got
to obey orders. Now, what does
your good book say about that?
Wizard suddenly lurches at Greenwood with his hands at Greenwood's throat. The door gunner (KOOL-AID) turns and aids the MP who is struggling to separate them.
FOX
(looking back)
All right, knock it off!
HARD BONES
...I could have saved them.
FOX
We followed procedure.
HARD BONES
Yeah, I followed procedure; and
let twelve men die.
FOX
Hey, buddy, don't always be so
damned hard on yourself; it was
the Major's call. We were set up.
HARD BONES
I wish to God I had a second chance.
Suddenly, LOUD ground fire erupts. HARD BONES HAGGERTY
sharply banks the chopper and spots dozens of muzzle flashes. Green tracers of
Vietcong automatic weapons fire are coming at them from a partial clearing in
the jungle. For every round they can see, there are four rounds they can't
see. FX: SOUNDS of automatic weapons.
EXT. TERRAIN - DAY
A series of low rolling hills. Below the chopper, surrounding huts clustered together in the middle of several rice paddies, an entire company of Vietcong are defiantly out in the open, energetically emptying their AK-47's and larger calibre machine guns at the chopper. FX: Bullets hitting the chopper. One sails cleanly through the plexiglas cockpit chin bubble.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
A bullet ricochets off Hard Bone's frontal ceramic plate - "chicken plate" - knocking the wind out of him and causing a bloody shrapnel groove along his cheek.
FOX
You OK?
HARD BONES
Yeah. I'm OK. But that makes it
personal.
KOOL-AID
Oh, shit. Here we go!
Kool-Aid pulls a handful of pills from his fatigue shirt pocket and looks them over. He picks three of them.
KOOL-AID (cont)
You, you and you. Step out of
formation.
He pops them into his mouth and puts the rest back in his pocket.
KOOL-AID (cont)
The rest of you are dismissed. But
do not leave the area!
As the chopper climbs steadily to 1500 feet, Hard Bones wipes blood away from his cheek, opens a console cover and pushes a toggle switch, arming the guns and rockets. Red lights appear on the console.
HARD BONES
Going hot!
LARSON
(to pilot)
What are you doing?!
Because of his earphones under his flying helmet, Hard Bones cannot hear Greenwood or the MP; therefore, the MP speaks nervously to the crew chief.
LARSON (cont)
What...what does he think he's doing?
WIZARD
Just what he should be doing, Mr.
Larson. Fighting a goddamn war!
LARSON
This helicopter has been commandeered
by my commanding officer to transport
my prisoner. Your orders are-
Ignoring the MP, Wizard tugs his flight helmet on, positions his microphone and grabs hold of his M-60 machine gun while Kool-Aid readies his M-60 machine gun in the opposite cargo door. Hard Bones continues preparing for battle and speaking to the crew through the intercom system.
HARD BONES
I hope Charlie appreciates the
fact that we're taking time out
from our busy schedule to shoot
back at him.
The MP moves to Kool-Aid and shouts next to his helmet.
LARSON
This is not proper procedure!
KOOL-AID
That so?
LARSON
I mean...if a helicopter is shot
at, the pilot can't just shoot
back. Not here!
KOOL-AID
Oh, you mean, when fired upon, we
should climb to altitude, find the
village on the map, call headquarters
and request permission to return
fire!? Something like that?
LARSON
Yes! And your headquarters will
call the province chief to see if-
KOOL-AID
Yeah, and then assuming by that time
the war ain't over and that the pro-
vince chief ain't a VC plant, we can
shoot back. Fuck you very much!
GREENWOOD
At last! A little action. Hey,
Larson, how about unlocking the
cuffs? If somebody's hit I can-
The increasingly nervous MP ignores Greenwood and moves between the seats of the pilot and co-pilot and shouts to Hard Bones.
LARSON
Listen, I think you should radio-
Hard Bones snaps out the radio circuit breakers.
HARD BONES
Sorry, son, I just lost radio contact.
Hard Bones speaks to his crew through the intercom.
HARD BONES (cont)
Weapons check!
Fox pulls the minigun sight down from its stowed position.
FOX
You got it!
WIZARD
Ready!
KOOL-AID
Let's pop some caps!
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The nose of the chopper dips sharply to begin its steep dive and to open fire. As it approaches the target, still taking enemy fire, Hard Bones fires a pair of 2.75 inch HE (high explosive) rockets, while Fox fires two 7.62 miniguns, each with six rotating barrels, slamming 4000 rounds per minute into the target area.
As the helicopter breaks off and banks, Kool-Aid and Wizard begin firing their M-60 machine guns. Their spent brass cartridges are ejecting at an incredible speed.
Red tracers are heading earthward, green tracers upwards, rocket pods are flaring, streaks of grey smoke trail the rockets. Trails of brass cartridges tumble out of the chopper like rain, silhouetted black against the blue sky, light coruscating off them like dozens of little suns.
EXT. TERRAIN - DAY
Some of the huts, along with chickens, buffalo, cattle, trees and bits of Vietcong soldiers soar up in a big BOOM of dirt, straw and wood flying in all directions.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Hard Bones works the collective and cyclic, abruptly sending the nose down, and buzzes straight over the area at treetop level.
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The chopper then begins its climb. In a SERIES OF SHOTS, the crew ignore the sights and SOUNDS of bullet holes appearing in the chopper, the sudden vibrations and the inexplicable engine NOISES and continue to climb in preparation for another dive.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The bright yellow chip detector warning light comes on.
FOX
Uh oh! We got metal chips in the
transmission.
HARD BONES
Could be a short circuit.
FOX
(shaking his head ruefully)
It's your call, Hard Bones.
Suddenly, a red hydraulic light lights up.
FOX (cont)
Number two hydraulic system out!
Fox motions to the door gunner.
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Kool-Aid sticks his head out the door into the slipstream, looks to the rear and sees hydraulic fluid squirting from the cowling.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
He ducks back inside and YELLS above the sound of the chopper.
KOOL-AID
Hydraulic fluid leaking!
GREENWOOD
We're taking too many hits! Larson,
for Christ sakes, get these goddamn
cuffs off me!
LARSON
(ignoring Greenwood)
I think you should...I am ordering
you to head back!
Hard Bones Haggerty maintains his insouciant attitude.
EXT. VIETNAM - DAY
The helicopter begins its near-suicidal dive, swooping noisily and erratically toward the target area again like an enraged, wounded eagle. Again the gunship lets loose on the VC and again the ground explodes sending up bits of huts, men and animals. Suddenly, there is the SOUND of a loud ROAR sending an incredibly strong vibration through the chopper.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
FOX
What the hell was that?
HARD BONES
Nothing I ever heard before!
The swirling dust from the ground thickens, almost blinding the crew. Within seconds the day darkens. There is an enormous ROAR of wind. The badly vibrating helicopter is almost helplessly spun about as it seems to be getting sucked into some kind of irresistible whirlpool.
Hard Bones fights desperately to control the Huey while the others do their best to brace themselves. In the cockpit, levers, switches, buttons, circuit breakers and antitorque pedals are pushed to no avail. The entire instrument panel warning system is now lighting up in meaningless flashes of red, yellow and green. Gage indicator needles are spinning out of control. Live ammunition, brass cartridges, and other items in the cargo area have broken free and are flying about.
HARD BONES (cont)
Instruments have gone crazy!
FX: The howling ROAR increases in volume. It is deafening. Kool-Aid pulls a vial of pills from a pocket of his fatigue shirt. He hurriedly takes one and replaces the vial. Greenwood and Larson jam their thumbs into their ears against the ROAR.
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The blackness surrounding the bucking chopper is total, eerie and unnatural. For a few quick seconds, an intense, blinding white light dispels the darkness and the craft seems almost aglow, suspended in time and space. Then, as the darkness returns, the helicopter seems to be traveling at incredible speed through a narrow tunnel.
Again, for only a few seconds, the intense white light dispels the darkness and the helicopter is suspended in time and space. Then, again, darkness returns.
Gradually, the ROARING stops, and the black smoke about the Huey begins to dissipate.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The worst of the vibration ceases. The crew members are obviously very shaken by the experience.
FOX
What happened? I feel like
I've been mugged.
HARD BONES
If that's a new weapon,
Charlie's won this war.
FOX
Hard Bones! Look out!
COCKPIT'S POV - Just as the mist parts Hard Bones realizes he is heading directly for a mountain formation and immediately pulls up. As they climb, the chopper vibrates dangerously. Hard Bones is having trouble controlling it. FX: It is beginning to SOUND like a machine straining to fly apart.
EXT. CHOPPER FLYING THROUGH MOUNTAINS - DAY
The day is again perfectly clear. They are still flying over mountains but these are completely unlike anything they've ever seen. These mountains seem to rise unnaturally straight out of the ground in a series of bizarre limestone formations.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
FOX
Where in God's name are we?
Hard Bones flicks switches and checks gages. Needles are no longer spinning but they also don't move. Only the two original warning lights are on. He reconnects the circuit breaker.
HARD BONES
Dragon base, this is Dragon seven.
Do you copy? Over...Dragon base,
this is Dragon seven. Do you copy?
His gloved hand grabs the cyclic and squeezes the radio trigger switch several times. There is no click in his ear. Fox tries a few more buttons and switches to no avail. He reaches into a compartment and pulls out a map.
HARD BONES (cont)
Instruments are out. Radios are
out. I don't think I can stabilize
this baby much longer. If I try for
altitude, it wants to shake apart.
We'll have to put her down.
FOX
(studying map)
Not one thing down there matches
with anything on here.
KOOL-AID
Maybe they made the map during the
monsoon. When the waters are down
it's all different.
FOX
Negative, Kool-Aid! I don't know where
the hell we are, but I guarantee
wherever it is isn't on this map.
EXT. TERRAIN - DAY
As the chopper approaches a narrow river, it comes upon a cluster of sampans and a junk with huge butterfly-wing sails. Men along the shore as well as on the junk look up at the chopper in pure panic. Most run in panic. Some jump into the river. A few kneel and kowtow as the chopper passes overhead.
The chopper passes over another boat, long and narrow - a "scrambling dragon" - with enormous sails. Over two dozen brightly dressed oarsmen are seated on low benches along the port side and another equal number of men are plying their huge oars at starboard. Many dive into the water in terror.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
KOOL-AID
What do you make of that?
HARD BONES
I dunno. VC haven't run away
from a chopper since the begin-
ning of the war.
FOX
Maybe they heard Hard Bones Haggerty
himself was flying it.
WIZARD
Look!
EXT. TERRAIN - DAY
On a hillside is an ancient pagoda, its crumbling brick base overrun with weeds. As the chopper approaches, the remains of a burned-out village is visible. A few houses with dried brick walls and hipped tile roofs are smoldering but still standing. Bodies are lying on the ground. Vendors' baskets and farm implements lie overturned and abandoned in the dirt.
As the chopper banks over a patchwork quilt of green and yellow ricefields, several terrified farmers either dive for cover or run in complete panic.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
KOOL-AID
Did you see those rice paddy
daddies? They act like they
never seen a chopper before!
LARSON
I don't know where we are but when
we get back I think you may be
faced with a court martial for-
HARD BONES
Roger that, son! But first we'll
have to land and check the damage.
LARSON
How'd it get so cold in here?
Kool-Aid stares at the sun's position in the sky and checks his watch. He speaks to the crew chief.
KOOL-AID
Hey, Wizard, what time you got?
WIZARD
What time I got!? Fuck you care
what time I got, Kool-Aid? You
got a train to catch?
KOOL-AID
Well, maybe it don't matter. But
before the storm, the sun was
rising over there.
WIZARD
So what's the problem?
KOOL-AID
Well, the problem is now it's
setting over there!
As the men react and look toward the sun, the helicopter begins to shudder dangerously. Hard Bones motions Fox toward a small clearing on a low plateau. The only occupants of the plateau are sheep and goats.
In a SERIES OF SHOTS, Hard Bones fights with the heavily vibrating controls to guide the disabled chopper into the landing zone (LZ).
EXT. TERRAIN - DAY
The Huey's rotor wash presses blades of grass to the earth and sends dust and leaves swirling about the LZ.
The chopper flares as it decelerates, lands bumpily on the heels of its skids and then glides several yards to a sudden halt sending sheep and goats running for their lives.
The men in the cockpit quickly unbuckle their safety harnesses. Everyone exits the chopper and hits the ground running. Larson and Fox move about the helicopter with their .45 pistols drawn and ready.
Greenwood seems to be calculating the odds on an escape attempt. While the others inspect the perimeter of the clearing, he moves out of the line of sight of either Hard Bones or Wizard.
POV - LARSON AND FOX
To their south and west, beyond a field of waist-high grass, there is a forest of banyan trees. In the distance, rocky slopes tumble downward, one after the other, leading to the South China Sea. To the north and east are rugged hills rising in the distance into mountains. A steep cliff between their position and the next hill offers them some protection on that side.
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Greenwood edges away from the helicopter.
Kool-Aid notices Greenwood and jumps into the helicopter's cargo compartment from the other side. He quickly extracts an M-16, inserts a clip and sights on Greenwood.
KOOL-AID
Hey, white boy! You gonna make
my day?
GREENWOOD
(smirking)
Maybe when I get these off.
KOOL-AID
Get your ass back here. Now!
Hard Bones and Wizard climb to the roof of the Huey, first to look about the LZ, then to check the chopper for damage. Kool-Aid moves out to join Fox as Larson returns to guard Greenwood. Greenwood smirks and lies down on the ground, resting his head against a helicopter skid, his hat over his eyes, at peace with the world.
KOOL-AID
Anything?
FOX
Nothing I can see. But I don't
like it. This place is spooky.
KOOL-AID
'Nam always spooky.
FOX
Not like this.
KOOL-AID
You think Charlie saw us comin'
in?
FOX
I don't know. If he did, we'll
know about it soon enough. Come
on, let's check those trees out.
They walk cautiously toward the banyan trees, single file, weapons at the ready.
EXT. AMONG THE TREES - DAY
The banyan trees are incredible in size and girth. There are hundreds of thick columns towering high above the two men.
Dozens of fear-filled Asians are hiding in the tall grass and behind the trees. Among them is a young boy about 17 years old. He stands beside a very elderly man with a Ho Chi Minh-type beard. They are wide-eyed at the approach of the two men and very much afraid. Kool-Aid and Fox are very near.
KOOL-AID
Hold on a second. I got to
make an unscheduled stop.
Kool-Aid unbuttons his fatigue trousers and is just stepping behind a bush when Fox and Kool-Aid both see the boy and the old man simultaneously. In a knee-jerk response, Fox raises his .45 and fires a round but before he can fire another, Kool-Aid knocks the .45 lower with his rifle barrel. The shot has not hit anything but the Asians in the trees and in the grass begin SCREAMING and CRYING and running about.
KOOL-AID
(buttoning up)
Cool it! (to the Asians) All
right, get out of there!
(gesturing) Move! Di-di mau!
Dozens of Asians, mostly men, move out of the trees. They range in age from child to elderly. Although some are wearing decent outer robes, most are poorly dressed in threadbare jackets and baggy trousers and are barefoot. Many are carrying their possessions on bamboo poles as well as (unlit) lanterns. Some of the men have flintlocks or matchlocks or swords or spears.
Each Asian male has most of the crown of his head shaved except for the braided queue hanging down at the back, i.e. the pigtail. They move toward an increasingly tense Kool-Aid and Fox and surround the two men but suddenly all kneel and kowtow on hands and knees, offering up their weapons.
FOX
What the hell?
KOOL-AID
Hey! Knock that shit off! Get
up! Yeah, up! Now, move it!
Kool-Aid motions for them to move toward the helicopter.
FOX
I never saw Dinks dressed like
that. They got pigtails!
KOOL-AID
Must be some Dink festival bullshit.
As they approach the helicopter, Hard Bones and Wizard have already grabbed their weapons and climbed down.
EXT. HELICOPTER LANDING SITE - DAY
HARD BONES
What have we here? A costume ball?
KOOL-AID
I found a reception committee in
the woods.
WIZARD
Come on, Hard Bones, you're the
linguist. Talk to them.
FOX
He's a Chink lingy; not a Dink lingy.
HARD BONES
They don't look Vietnamese, Fox.
Hard Bones SPEAKS to the men in Vietnamese. There is no response. Then he SPEAKS in Chinese mandarin. One of the men RESPONDS in Cantonese.
FOX
What's the matter?
HARD BONES
He doesn't speak Vietnamese.
KOOL-AID
So what does he speak?
HARD BONES
Chinese.
WIZARD
So ask the Dink why he doesn't
speak Dinkenese.
HARD BONES
How am I supposed to ask him?
WIZARD
You learned Chinese in Taiwan,
right?
HARD BONES
I learned mandarin; he's speak-
ing Cantonese.
FOX
Motherfuck.
Suddenly the old man with the boy SPEAKS to Hard Bones in mandarin. They CONVERSE in mandarin. As everyone's attention is completely on what is happening they fail to notice Greenwood's movements. Their CONVERSATION in mandarin is O.S.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Despite his handcuffs, Greenwood manages to reach a knife inside a rucksack torn open during the storm. He slips it inside his boot and quickly jumps from the cargo door to the ground.
EXT. HELICOPTER LANDING SITE - DAY
Greenwood walks slowly back to the group as Hard Bones turns to his crew to translate.
HARD BONES
He said, why should they speak Vietnamese?
KOOL-AID
Oh, shit. You telling me we
not still in the 'nam!?
During this dialogue, the teenage boy very hesitantly steps forward toward Kool-Aid - one cautious step at a time.
HARD BONES
He says we're in southern China.
Kwangtung Province.
KOOL-AID
(popping another pill)
China?! I got R&R in Bangkok
Monday morning and you're sayin'
you flew us into China?!
HARD BONES
He says we're near the coast.
KOOL-AID
Great. I can swim to Bangkok.
WIZARD
That's bull! No way we could have
flown that far! We didn't even
have the fuel for that kind of trip.
Fox looks at his watch.
FOX
Ask the old man what day it is.
HARD BONES
I did.
FOX
So, what'd he say?
Hard Bones hesitates.
HARD BONES
You're not gonna like it.
FOX
Try me.
HARD BONES
He said, it's the 12th day of the 2nd
moon of the 7th year of Hsien Feng.
KOOL-AID
Say what?!
HARD BONES
Hsien Feng was a Chinese emperor
in the Ch'ing Dynasty.
KOOL-AID
Say what?!
HARD BONES
In the 1850's, I think. Or, there-
abouts. Anyway, he wants to know
if we're gods.
KOOL-AID
(to the old man)
I'm God; these assholes are impostors!
Translate that!
HARD BONES
I told him we're men from across the
sea. So he wants to know which
tribute-bearing nation we're from and
if it's true our emperor is a woman.
KOOL-AID
Ask him what kind of acid he's
on and if he wants to sell some.
HARD BONES
He must mean Queen Victoria. That
means he thinks we're English.
GREENWOOD
I say we blast the fuckers.
KOOL-AID
Yeah, sure; destroy what you don't
understand, right, Greenwood?
GREENWOOD
Works for me.
Fox takes a musket from one of the Chinese and looks it over. He looks out at the other muskets the men are holding.
FOX
These are flintlocks! And matchlocks!
And this is a wheelock! These are
antiques! They're beautiful!
The boy is near Kool-Aid but he seems almost hypnotized while looking at him.
He hesitates then cautiously reaches out and touches the back of Kool-Aid's hand then looks at his own finger.
Kool-Aid then hesitantly reaches out and touches the boy's hand and then looks at his own finger and gives an expression of mock horror. The boy is torn between fear and laughter. Finally, overcoming his fear, he laughs.
BOY
Mastah, you numba one first
chop! How you dooa? My chin-
chin you werry fine day.
KOOL-AID
Huh? 'How I dooa?' What planet
you from?
As the boy reaches out his hands, Kool-Aid reaches out to shake but the boy holds onto his own hands, and "chin-chins" Kool-Aid traditional Chinese style, holding one fist inside the other and bowing. Kool-Aid is left with his hand out and his mouth open.
BOY
Mastah, no savvy my?
KOOL-AID
What language is he talking now?
HARD BONES
Pidgin English.
KOOL-AID
Pidgin what?
BOY
(to Hardbones)
How many piecey man hab got come
this side?
Hard Bones is clearly excited by what is happening.
HARD BONES
Six piecey man hab got come this side!
BOY
What for you makee so fashion
come China in flying dragon ship?
HARD BONES
Uh, no savvy. Muchee no savvy how
we makee so fashion come China!
BOY
OK. (to Kool-Aid) Mastah, my tink you
numba one first chop! My chin-chin
you, one good flen, take care for you.
HARD BONES
He wants to be your friend.
KOOL-AID
Yeah, I think I'm gonna be needin' some.
HARD BONES
My God, pidgin English is how the foreigners
in China communicated with the Chinese for
hundreds of years! And he speaks it!
FOX
So?
HARD BONES
So we're really here!
GREENWOOD
Where?!
HARD BONES
The Ch'ing Dynasty!
KOOL-AID
Fuck me silly with an Easter lily!
HARD BONES
Somehow we've flown into the past!
I knew that storm wasn't natural!
FOX
Boo coo (beaucoup) dinky dau!
WIZARD
Roger that.
FOX
We're not goin' anywhere if we
don't get this chopper fixed.
WIZARD
Right. So maybe we should stow the
bullshit and get to work. When and
if we get it fixed then we can worry
about where we are and when we are.
HARD BONES
Kool-Aid, you and Fox check out
the perimeter. And watch your asses.
Wizard will check on the chopper.
I'll interrogate these people and try
to make some sense of this.
LARSON
What about me?
HARD BONES
I want you to check out the pagoda.
That'll be our observation post.
LARSON
What about him?
HARD BONES
Secure your prisoner temporarily
to the skid. Fox, check out
the baggage compartment. Should
be some military gear in there
we can use.
Suddenly, one of the Chinese notices the dragon painting on the nose of the helicopter and excitedly CALLS to the others. They approach the nose and immediately fall to their hands and knees, this time kowtowing the "dragon" helicopter itself.
KOOL-AID
Oh, shit. Here we go again.
Some of the Chinese search under the chopper. One asks Hard Bones a question in mandarin.
KOOL-AID
Now what?
HARD BONES
They want to know if it’s
male or female.
Reaction shot: KOOL-AID
EXT. LANDING ZONE - NIGHT
In the foreground, at the edge of the landing zone, Larson is sitting on a rock eating from a C-ration can. In the background, others are busy about the helicopter or also eating from C-ration cans. Wizard is reading his Bible by lantern light. Two Chinese villagers with lanterns and flintlocks have been posted at the highest lookout of the pagoda.
Hard Bones is sitting on the ground near the chopper still CONVERSING in mandarin with the old man. The Chinese have formed a semi-circle around him. Their lanterns have been lit. The men also have a fire going.
Except for Greenwood, the men are now dressed in full combat gear. Bandoliers of M-16 ammunition clips are slung diagonally across chests, smoke grenade canisters and baseball grenades are clipped to waists.
Bands tied about camouflage helmets hold such items as insect repellent, spoons, and packs of matches. Survival knives are sheathed at their belts. Rucksacks and M-16s are nearby on the cargo deck.
In the grass near the MP, we hear the SOUND of someone urinating. We then see the head and shoulders of Kool-Aid above some bushes.
LARSON
I never heard anyone piss for five
minutes before.
KOOL-AID
Do you realize that the Budweiser I drank
in the 20th century I am now pissing out
in the 19th century? This piss is
straddling two centuries! In reverse!
The SOUND stops and then Kool-Aid appears, doing up his fly. He sits on a nearby rock and picks up his own C-ration can and continues eating. Larson is watching Hard Bones.
LARSON
Why do you call him "Hard Bones"?
KOOL-AID
Hard Bones? 'Cause every time he
gets shot down he breaks another
bone. The Wizard got his name
'cause he can fix anything. The
man is a genius. Fox is Fox; loves
guns the way I love women.
LARSON
And 'Kool-Aid' because you're cool
under fire?
KOOL-AID
No, my man. They's having a bit
of fun with that one. 'Cause they
know I tend to get my balls in an
uproar under fire.
Kool-Aid finishes his food and, while talking, rolls and lights up a joint. He offers a hit to Larson who refuses.
KOOL-AID
Anyway, don't you worry, my man.
Hard Bones got us out of worse
scrapes than this.
LARSON
You like him, don't you?
KOOL-AID
Like? Try 'respect.' That white
boy just happens to be the bravest
son-of-a-bitch I ever met. Even
among chopper pilots he's rumored
to be totally stark-raving mad.
LARSON
And that's a compliment?
KOOL-AID
They don't come any higher, my man.
Hard Bones leaves the Chinese and moves over to sit with Kool-Aid. He motions to Wizard and Fox to join them.
HARD BONES
All right, listen up. For tonight,
we'll put out guards and some trip
flares. Tomorrow, Wizard will tell
us how long he needs to fix the chopper.
WIZARD
If it can be fixed, I said.
HARD BONES
Right. If it can be fixed. While
he's working on that, the rest of
us will have a chat with some people
about a misunderstanding.
KOOL-AID
Uh, oh.
HARD BONES
Just talk I said.
KOOL-AID
Yeah, that's what you said just before
the last three bar fights we been in.
HARD BONES
(gesturing toward the Chinese)
These people live in the burned out
village we saw from the air. Pirates
have been demanding money from them
for years. They've been paying it.
This morning they tried to fight
back. They lost. Badly.
FOX
So that's why they're hiding in
the woods.
HARD BONES
That's why they're hiding in the woods.
So I promised tomorrow we would escort
them to their village and have a chit-
chat with the pirates.
KOOL-AID
Man, I'm going on R&R to Bangkok on
Monday; I got no time to be messin'
about with pirates.
HARD BONES
Don't worry. As soon as we can get out
of here we're out of here. I don't want
to get involved in local disputes any
more than you do.
FOX
No law around here?
HARD BONES
The old man says the local magistrate is
paid off by the pirates; so he sends the
heads of villagers to Peking claiming they're pirates.
That's how he gets promoted.
FOX
Whew! Nice place to visit but I sure
wouldn't want to live here!
LARSON
How can you people take this so lightly? We
may have actually traveled through time!
KOOL-AID
Don't sweat the small stuff, kid.
Just so long as the Army finds a
way to get my pay check to me, I
don't really give a shit about
the rest of it.
WIZARD
I still don't understand what the
hell happened to us.
KOOL-AID
I think we fell into a wormhole.
WIZARD
A what?
KOOL-AID
You know, the way gravity bends
time and space into black holes and
shit. But with wormholes, it's like
a worm on an apple, only instead
of goin' around the apple, we burrowed
through it. Into a different time
and space. Now we got to burrow the
fuck out of it!
WIZARD
I think Kool-Aid 's got a wormhole up
his ass.
KOOL-AID
My mama always told me, 'Never talk
philosophy with a cracker.'
WIZARD
Who you calling 'cracker,' spearchucker?
Both men get up and walk toward each other, seriously angry.
KOOL-AID
I'm callin' you 'cracker,' numbnuts.
WIZARD
How'd you like to bite my ass?
KOOL-AID
You'll have to move your nose
over first.
Just as they begin pushing one another, Hard Bones interferes.
HARD BONES
Gentlemen, the Civil War hasn't
even started yet, so could you
cool the bullshit.
KOOL-AID
I think this bullshit is just
some goddamn dream you having!
HARD BONES
Me?! Why is it my dream?
KOOL-AID
'Cause you the one that loves this shit.
HARD BONES
What shit?
KOOL-AID
Chinese shit! You studied it and
you wanted to see it. So now I'm
caught up in some goddamn fantasy
of yours and I want you to wake the
fuck up so I can get the fuck out!
FOX
Maybe it's like the guy in "Manchurian
Candidate."
WIZARD
You sayin' we been brainwashed?
FOX
Yeah. We must have been captured in
'nam, and Charlie brainwashed us into
thinking we're in China. In the past.
KOOL-AID
You sayin' we're being mindfucked by
the Dinks to think we're with the Chinks?
FOX
Yeah!
KOOL-AID
What the fuck for?
FOX
How do I know what the fuck for? I'm
not Charlie!
HARD BONES
Gentlemen, I think we're all a little
on edge here. Let's call it a night.
GREENWOOD
I'll take first watch.
KOOL-AID
That's real funny, Greenwood. But
I intend to guard you myself.
LARSON
My prisoner is my responsibility!
I'll watch him.
Hard Bones hesitates, then reluctantly nods his head.
HARD BONES
All right, you guard him. Just make
sure he's cuffed at all times.
EXT. LANDING ZONE - NIGHT
A camp fire smolders. A figure approaches Kool-Aid as Kool-Aid is almost asleep. Kool-Aid draws his .45 and grabs the intruder. It is the boy.
BOY
Mastah, my one good flen you.
KOOL-AID
You one good flen me? Ok. I one
good flen you. Just don't creep up
on me like that.
Kool-Aid releases the boy and sits up. The boy sits down beside him. Kool-Aid lowers his voice.
KOOL-AID
Hey, kid, you got any sisters?
BOY
Hab got one piecey sist. Beforetime
hab got two piecey sist. Baba no hab
dollar; he sell sist for catchee chow.
KOOL-AID
One of your sisters was sold for food?!
BOY
Yes, mastah. Now here hab too muchee
fightee - too littee chow. Pirates
velly bad heart. One piecey sist
fightee too muchee! Kill Many!
KOOL-AID
Your sister is fighting the pirates?
BOY
Yes, mastah. She here somewhere.
Hard Bones, lying near Kool-Aid, rolls over to face them.
HARD BONES
So where's your parents? You know, mama-baba.
BOY
Them catchee die. Pirates - too muchee
bad heart man - makee them catchee die.
HARD BONES
Well, tomorrow we go see pirates.
Maybe we makee them catchee die.
BOY
My too muchee thankee you.
Kool-Aid stares at Pidgin.
KOOL-AID
I think 'Pidgin' is just the
right name for you. OK with you?
PIDGIN
Yes, mastah. And 'spose you
wanchee any first chop t'ing,
my can catchee for you!
KOOL-AID
Great! You catchee me the fuck outta here
and I catchee you boo coo dollars.
HARD BONES
You still don't get it, do you?
KOOL-AID
Get what?
HARD BONES
You don't have any money.
Kool-Aid reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of Vietnamese piasters and military payment certificates.
KOOL-AID
So what do you call this?
Hard Bones grabs the money and flips through it.
HARD BONES
There isn't any Vietnam yet, Ice
Man. Just independent kingdoms.
This is play money, you get it?
Funny money - and the people
who authorized it haven't been
born yet.
Hard Bones tears up the money and it flutters off in the wind.
REACTION SHOT - KOOL-AID
KOOL-AID
I think I'm gonna be sick.
HARD BONES
Be sick in the morning. Let's
get some sleep.
INT. HELICOPTER CARGO FLOOR - NIGHT
Greenwood and Larson are preparing their ponchos for bed.
Greenwood is having difficulty because of the handcuffs.
GREENWOOD
Come on, man, at least let me sleep
without these damn things on!
LARSON
No way.
GREENWOOD
Larson, we're surrounded by people! I'm
not goin' anywhere. And I'm not about to
leave the chopper! What if we're attacked
and you're hit?! I'm a sitting duck who
can't even fight for his life!
Larson hesitates.
GREENWOOD (cont)
Jesus Christ, man, I haven't even
been found guilty of anything yet!
Larson takes out his key and unlocks the cuffs.
LARSON
You even so much as snore and I'll
slap these back on you.
Greenwood rubs his wrists, then rolls over to sleep facing away from Larson.
GREENWOOD
Hey, thanks, man. Now let's grab
some shuteye when we can. Charlie'll
probably attack at dawn.
LARSON
Charlie!? You still think we're
in the 'nam?!
GREENWOOD
Damn right I still think we're
in the 'nam. I'll believe pirates
when I see them. Just like Charlie
to come up with some trick to
mindfuck us.
Larson also settles down to sleep, his .45 near his hand.
CLOSE SHOT - GREENWOOD'S EYES
CUT TO:
CLOSE SHOT - A HAND REACHING FOR KOOL-AID'S EAR - DAY
Kool-Aid, in sleep, brushes it away. The hand tugs his ear harder. As Kool-Aid SPEAKS he is still more asleep than awake and is in the midst of a sensual dream.
KOOL-AID
Yeah, baby; later, baby. You had
enough now, you hear? Don't be
greedy. Ole Kool-Aid need his sleep.
Again the hand tugs his ear. Kool-Aid wakes up. He turns quickly to see Pidgin staring at him wide-eyed.
PIDGIN
Mastah! You looksee! Hab plenty
much trouble!
KOOL-AID
Whoa! Slow down. What trouble?
PIDGIN
You looksee! One piecey man hab die!
Kool-Aid and Hard Bones jump up.
HARD BONES
One piecey-man have die?! What man?
PIDGIN
Flen you inside flying dragon ship
catchee die!
EXT. LANDING ZONE - EARLY MORNING
KOOL-AID
My friend died?
PIDGIN
Bad heart man makee him catchee die!
They rush to the helicopter. What they see on the cargo floor stops them in their tracks.
POV - HARD BONES and KOOL-AID
The body of Larson is lying across the cargo floor. His throat has been cut and his eyes are open in death. Blood has pooled beside his head. His .45 is missing. So are his ears.
INT. - HELICOPTER - DAY
As the men jump on board, Fox and Wizard rush up. While Kool-Aid closes Larson's eyes, Hard Bones looks over the chopper.
PIDGIN
He no 'cassion makee so fashion!
No b'long reason.
HARD BONES
Some ammo missing. M-16! .45!
grenades! Jesus! The starlight
scope's gone!
KOOL-AID
If that sucker got the scope, he
owns the night.
HARD BONES
It's my fault. I never should have left
the kid alone with Greenwood.
PIDGIN
He allo same bad heart pirate-man. My t'ink
bad heart man walkee chop chop pirate ship-side.
FOX
Great! Greenwood joined the pirates.
WIZARD
So that evens up the odds.
HARD BONES
I'm afraid it more than evens up
the odds. Greenwood is a LRRP, a
hunter-killer who didn't care in
'nam who he killed. He enjoyed it
and he was good at it. He killed
ARVN troops for the fun of it and
when his own patrol leader tried
to stop him, he killed him.
WIZARD
You think he'll try to destroy
the chopper?
HARD BONES
No. He wants that for his own. So
you can be sure he'll be back to get
it. It's us he'll try to destroy.
We'll have to post guards, use
passwords and clear the grass around
the LZ. And we'll have to put out
Claymores, flares, trip wires and
any tricks we learned from Charlie.
FOX
Punji traps?!
HARD BONES
Yep. He'll dig his, we'll dig ours.
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The men exit the chopper. Wizard walks around the helicopter checking it. During the following dialogue, he finds scattered tools and an overturned tool box near the chopper. Fox gestures toward the Chinese now crowded around the helicopter.
FOX
What about them?
HARDBONES
They'll have to wait. First we
prepare our defenses, and then
we go after Greenwood.
KOOL-AID
Go after Greenwood?! I thought
you said you didn't want to get
involved.
HARD BONES
Greenwood killed a man on board
my chopper. That makes it personal.
Kool-Aid GROANS.
FOX
What's your problem?
KOOL-AID
Every time he says it's 'personal'
the shit hits the fan.
FOX
You don't want to live forever,
do you?
KOOL-AID
I hope to shit in your mess kit
I want to live forever!
WIZARD
I reckon there's another reason
we'll be going after Greenwood.
The others follow Wizard's gaze to the rotor head.
HARD BONES
Jesus Christ! He stole one of
the pitch change links.
WIZARD
That he did; and without that, we
won't be goin' nowhere.
As the men attempt to absorb this disastrous news, the Chinese old man stares at the MP's body and SPEAKS.
FOX
What's he sayin'?
HARD BONES
He says, whoever we are, we're
not gods.
Suddenly, Hard Bones spots something toward the jungle. Everyone now turns in that direction.
CREW'S POV
About two dozen Chinese warriors are walking toward them under silk banners fluttering in the breeze. They are a small part of a Taiping Army, Christian Chinese rebels. The four Chinese characters on their stylish, close-fitting, green-and-yellow uniforms mean "Great Peace Holy Warrior."
They are wearing turbans and sashes at their waists matching their dress. They are carrying bow-and-arrows and the leaders have flintlock pistols tucked into their sashes. Their tight-fitting garments clearly reveal the swelling of the breasts. They are, in fact, unintentionally quite sexy.
It is one of the Taiping companies composed solely of:
EXT. LANDING ZONE - DAY
KOOL-AID
Women!
HARD BONES
Jesus Christ! They're Taipings!
Kool-Aid begins running toward the Taipings.
HARD BONES (cont)
Kool-Aid, wait! Taiping women warriors
are fierce! They might-
KOOL-AID
It's all right. Old Kool-Aid got
a way with women! (to the Tai-
pings) Hey, girls! Hey, over here.
Several arrows are shot into the dirt inches from Kool-Aid's feet, effectively tripping him to his knees.
KOOL-AID (cont)
OK, OK! First dates always make
me nervous too! Just unbend the
bows a bit, will you?
Hard Bones and the others move forward with weapons at the ready. There is a dangerous stand-off. Pidgin SHOUTS to the gorgeous leader of the Chinese who is training her bow-and-arrow on Hard Bones; Pidgin then SHOUTS to Hard Bones in Chinese.
HARD BONES
He says these are Taiping women
warriors fighting against the Manchu
emperor. They came to protect the
village. The leader is Pidgin's sister.
FOX
What do we do?
HARD BONES
The way to handle a woman is to impress
her right off the bat. Leave this to me.
Hard Bones shoulders his M-16 and draws his pistol.
HARD BONES (cont)
Kool-Aid, you got your fatigue cap in
your pocket?
KOOL-AID
My cap? Yeah, I got my cap; what
about it?
HARD BONES
Throw it into the air.
KOOL-AID
I already used it for target practice in
'nam. It's already got bullet holes in it.
HARD BONES
You know that and I know that; she
doesn't know that.
Kool-Aid shrugs and throws the cap into the air. Hard Bones fires three times. Pidgin grabs the hat and hands it to his sister. The hat has five bullet holes in it. Hard Bones smugly holsters his gun and crosses his arms.
Pidgin's sister motions for another warrior to fling one of the banners into the air. She does so and the woman quickly lets fly the first arrow and with amazing speed strings her bow again, fires, strings her bow again and fires. Each arrow pierces the banner and keeps it in the air. When it comes down, Pidgin runs with it and hands it to Hard Bones. The arrows have formed a perfect triangle in the center of the banner. Pidgin's sister smugly replaces her bow in its case and crosses her arms.
KOOL-AID
You sure handled her.
FOX
Yeah. I've never seen a woman
so impressed.
HARD BONES
I hate show-offs.
PIDGIN
One piecey sist name Ai-ling.
She no likkee foreign man; all
bringee muchee yapien into China.
HARD BONES
Well, you tell your sister we
don't have any opium.
KOOL-AID
Roger that. A bit of marijuana,
maybe, and some uppers and downers,
and a very minor quantity of LSD,
but opium, hell no!
Hard Bones motions for his men to holster or sling their weapons. Pidgin's sister does the same with her women warriors. The Taipings then join the villagers who supply them with food and drink. Wizard speaks while Hard Bones and Pidgin's sister still stare warily at one another even as she joins the villagers.
WIZARD
What do you think?
HARD BONES
I think an enemy of my enemy is
my friend. We can use each other.
Hard Bones smiles and waves to Ai-ling while she drinks; she stares at him with wary eyes.
FOX
When do we go after Greenwood?
HARD BONES
First we prepare our own defenses
in case he strikes first. But
right now we've got a grave to dig.
EXT. HILLSIDE OVERLOOKING A BAY - DAY
Early morning. Greenwood is standing on a hillside overlooking a three-masted pirate frigate below as its crew is haggling with local Chinese soldiers for provisions.
The square-rigged ship is anchored offshore with nearly all of its 20,000 square feet of white canvas sail reefed or furled. Colorful flags fly from its masts, including a Jolly Roger pirate ensign - a white skull and bones on a black flag. Beneath the skull is a white hour glass. Suddenly, we hear a VOICE behind Greenwood.
VOICE (O.S.)
Slide that rifle off your shoulder
and be real careful not to make me
trigger-happy.
Without turning, Greenwood does as he is told.
VOICE (O.S.)
That's real good. Now turn around.
Slow and easy.
Greenwood turns to find himself facing three Caucasian crew members from the frigate. They are covering him with flintlock pistols.
FIRST CREW MEMBER
Who are you?
GREENWOOD
I'm a man with crates of modern wea-
pons for sale. Your captain on board?
The men move forward. One reaches to pick up Greenwood's M-16 and one moves behind him to tie him up.
FIRST CREW MEMBER
Don't you worry about where our
captain is. But we'll take you
on board, all right.
With lightning speed, Greenwood spins about, using the man behind him as a shield. He slits his throat, and kicks the man picking up the M-16 in the face. He spins sideways, throwing the knife into the chest of the first crew member who is trying to cover him with the pistol. Greenwood recovers his knife and slides his M-16 back on his shoulder.
He reaches down, picks up a flintlock and looks it over. He aims it at one of the moaning men.
GREENWOOD
How's this shit work?
He shoots one of the men in the face.
GREENWOOD (cont)
Oops.
As he walks off he pulls the ring of a grenade and tosses it into the center of the three men. He SPEAKS to himself.
GREENWOOD
I'll find my own way, thanks. I
don't want to be a bother.
At the expected EXPLOSION Greenwood doesn't even bother to turn back. He smiles coldly.
EXT. PERIPHERY OF LANDING ZONE - DAY
While the Taipings are talking with the displaced villagers, the helicopter crew is gathered around Larson's grave. Hard Bones is holding Wizard's Bible. On the wooden cross erected at the head of the grave is the inscription:
ROBERT LARSON
U.S. MARINE
B. 1947
D. (about) 1857
REST IN PEACE
HARD BONES
...Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
And may he find peace before...
he rises in eternal life...May he-
We suddenly HEAR an incredible (O.S.) RACKET from Chinese beating gongs, pots and pans, blowing Chinese horns and setting off firecrackers. The crew grab their weapons.
HARD BONES
What the hell?
As an unusual darkness begins to fall, they all look up at the sky.
POV - CREW
The moon is moving between the earth and the sun. The disc of the moon gradually conceals the sun's face until its umbra passes over the landing zone creating a total eclipse. Flaming red prominences of the sun flare violently at the periphery of the black circle of the moon. And all around the sun, magnificent yellowish-white streams of corona stretch hundreds of thousands of miles through space in every direction. It is dramatic, breathtaking, spectacular.
EXT. PERIPHERY OF LANDING ZONE - DAY
WIZARD
An eclipse.
The NOISE the Chinese are making grows in intensity. Pidgin and others run to the crew while beating gongs and pots and pans.
PIDGIN
Mastah, this plenty much trouble!
Aiyaah! Hab got one piecee largee
dog topside catchee sun!
HARD BONES
Chinese always panic during an
eclipse. They think some monster
is gobbling up the sun.
Hard Bones YELLS to them in mandarin to calm them down. It has little effect. Some of the Taiping women warriors shoot arrows at the sun.
FOX
I've never seen people so scared.
WIZARD
I just wish they'd stop that
damn racket!
Kool-Aid looks at the sun and back down to Pidgin.
KOOL-AID
(to Pidgin)
Run that by me again, my man.
You think a dog is eating the
sun?
PIDGIN
Yes! Velly largee dog! He wantchee
makee chow chow! Supposey topside
no hab sun! Aiyaah!
KOOL-AID
You likee Kool-Aid makee the
velly largee doggie go bye bye?
PIDGIN
Yes, mastah! Must makee fixum!
Can do?!
Kool-Aid raises his M-16 and aims it toward the still blackened sun.
KOOL-AID
Fuckin'-A I can do! I'm Kool-Aid
- King of the Ch'ing.
Kool-Aid begins firing bursts toward the sun.
HARD BONES
Hey! What the hell are you doing?
KOOL-AID
I'm shooting the dog's ass so
it will get the fuck away from
the sun so my Chinese compadre
will be happy again.
Kool-Aid continues firing.
HARD BONES
Are you nuts?! We don't have ammo
to waste!
WIZARD
Kool-Aid is right. No damn dog
gonna pig out on the sun while
ole Wizard is around!
Wizard racks his shotgun, aims at the sun and fires.
WIZARD (cont)
Take that you crass canine creep!
Fox aims his M-16 at the sun and begins firing. Wizard and Kool-Aid continue to fire.
FOX
Keep your fucking paws off my
sun, you foul droppings of a
misbegotten she-pig!
FX: The NOISE from the three of them firing, plus gongs, horns, firecrackers and the YELLING of the Chinese is ear-splitting.
HARD BONES
What is the matter with you people?!
Are you all loony? It's an eclipse!
Hard Bones watches them as they ignore him.
HARD BONES (cont)
Oh, fuck it!
Hard Bones pulls his .45 from his holster, grips one hand in the other, spreads his feet apart in a classic Weaver stance, aims toward the sun and begins firing.
HARD BONES (cont)
Take that, you mangy dog!
As the crew continues to SCREAM insults at the celestial dog, they unleash all the firepower they've got. Taiping arrows continue to fly. As the umbra gives way to the penumbra and the sun begins to reappear we
CUT TO:
EXT. PERIPHERY OF LANDING ZONE - DAY
We see Hard Bones, Pidgin, Kool-Aid and the others working side-by-side with the Taipings and the villagers. They are cutting and sharpening stakes for Punji traps, digging holes, setting the stakes upright at the bottom of the holes and covering the holes with bamboo sticks, dirt, grass and leaves.
In a SERIES OF SHOTS we see Pidgin and Ai-ling watching Kool-Aid, Hard Bones and Fox as they set out claymore mines and trip wires for flares.
Hard Bones and Kool-Aid teaching Pidgin, the Taipings and village men about modern weapons: Pidgin shooting an M-16 for the first time and falling over backward from the force of the weapon and Hard Bones and Kool-Aid ducking for cover as the shots go wild. Kool-Aid instructing Pidgin on grenade-throwing: Pidgin throws the grenade but it lands a mere 20 yards away. Kool-Aid grabs Pidgin and they both duck for cover as it explodes.
We see Ai-ling demonstrating the use of chopsticks to an incredibly clumsy Hard Bones; Pidgin teaching Kool-Aid a gambling game played with fingers and thumbs; Ai-ling teaching Hard Bones to shoot the bow-and-arrow.
Children touching Hard Bones's nose and laughing at how big it is compared to theirs. Hard Bones and Kool-Aid swinging the children.
Pidgin and other Chinese males staring at the nose art on the chopper, and touching, not the dragon but the woman. Until they are shooed away by Kool-Aid.
The crew and some Chinese assistants working on the helicopter. Thanks to Chinese suggestions, strips of ox-hide and bamboo are used to reinforce damaged parts, such as damaged engine cowling. One of the Chinese motions for the helicopter to fly and Wizard points to the remaining pitch change link and to where the missing pitch change link should be.
Fox aiding the old man (a blacksmith) repair antique weapons with his anvil, bellows and portable forge. The crew and villagers digging a latrine and a trenchline with the crew wearing broad-brimmed farmers hats.
Chinese presenting Wizard with a bamboo rod about a foot and a half long and pointing to the rotor head.
KOOL-AID
A bamboo pitch change link?! No thanks, my man;
I'd rather die in my sleep.
WIZARD
Wait a minute! If the chopper stays on the ground, we're not changing the pitch!
KOOL-AID
So?
WIZARD
So we're not putting any stress on the
pitch change link.
HARD BONES
(studying the rod)
It just might work.
CLOSE UP - bamboo rod replacement for the pitch change link, held in place by tough reeds. The blades begin moving.
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Crew, Taipings and Chinese surround the chopper while Kool-Aid and Pidgin sit in the cockpit checking gages which begin to respond. Rotor blades are turning and the blades track reasonably well. Hard Bones picks up to a hover then sets it back down. The bamboo holds. Everyone CHEERS.
EXT. LANDING ZONE - NIGHT
Everyone is together in a group cleaning and preparing weapons.
KOOL-AID
Hey, how come these chicks don't
have bound feet?
HARD BONES
Taiping women didn't go in for bound feet.
KOOL-AID
That's cool, but you keep usin' the
past tense to talk about somebody
standin' in front of me and you gonna
be sending shivers down mah spine!
FOX
There it is!
Ai-ling cautiously sits beside Hard Bones and stares at him. He stares back. She SPEAKS to him in Chinese.
FOX
What'd she say?
HARD BONES
She wants to know if my eyes have
faded.
KOOL-AID
Say what?
HARD BONES
I don't think she ever saw green
eyes before. She thinks they faded.
Hard Bones and Ai-ling are obviously smitten with each other.
KOOL-AID
Uh, oh. I detect a case of sexual
dynamics coming on. Hard Bones, I
think you're in.
HARD BONES
Don't kid yourself. Taiping women
were, sorry, are a lot more liberated
than other Chinese women but they
kill opium-smokers, prostitutes and
destroy every Buddhist temple in
sight. They're good Christians.
FOX
They're pretty impressed with us,
though, right?
HARD BONES
In a manner of speaking. They think
our complexion is unnaturally pale like
ghosts, our ears resemble donkeys' ears,
our noses are huge and hideous and she
says we smell worse than the Manchus
from eating too much meat.
KOOL-AID
Yeah? Well, happy Valentine's Day to
her too.
A beautiful but disheveled and wild hilltribe woman warrior moves cautiously to Kool-Aid and touches his hair with delight. She SPEAKS excitedly in dialect to Ai-ling. Ai-ling SPEAKS in mandarin to Hard Bones.
KOOL-AID
Yeah, you like that, huh? Not seen
nothin’ like that ‘round here, right?
(To HARD BONES)
She likes that, huh?
HARD BONES
Oh, yeah. You made a hit with
her, all Right.
KOOL-AID
Damn straight! So what’s she sayin’?
HARD BONES
Ai-ling says she’s one of the Miao
hilltribes that collects scalps. She
wants to know if you’re killed, if
she can have your scalp.
Kool-Aid jumps up.
KOOL-AID
Jesus Christ! Get me the hell out
Of this dynasty!
As Hard Bones makes a face, Ai-ling LAUGHS. Hard Bones puts his food down and reaches up to remove her Taiping scarf. At first she resists, grabbing his wrist and pulling her knife. But Hard Bones SPEAKS to her softly in Chinese. She relents and he continues. Her long hair spills out. She SPEAKS to Hard Bones in Chinese and he looks at his watch and replies in Chinese. She SPEAKS to the other Taipings in Chinese, gets up and grabs Hard Bones's wrist. As he rises, she leads him into the woods.
KOOL-AID
I told you she was an easy lay, man!
HARD BONES
This doesn't make sense. Taipings
aren't like that.
FOX
Just relax and enjoy it!
KOOL-AID
You need assistance, you just call!
Kool-Aid returns and sits with Fox. Together, they watch Hard Bones and Ai-ling disappear into the darkness.
KOOL-AID
Mah mama always said, the trouble
with sexual dynamics is it can
lead to dynamic sex.
One of the Taiping women comes to Fox and one to Kool-Aid. They pull them up and lead them off into the woods.
KOOL-AID
Br'er Fox, I don' know 'bout you
but I is beginning to love this
heyah Ch'ing Dynasty.
FOX
Kool-Aid, we don't get some boom
boom in the bushes with these lovely
ladies, my name isn't 'Fox.'
EXT. NEARBY WOODS - NIGHT
The Taiping women are kneeling in rows in front of a makeshift altar. Several have Bibles. On the altar are three cups of Holy Trinity tea, smoldering joss-sticks, candles and a large painting of Jesus' crucifixion. Jesus is a Chinese dressed as a Taiping.
Ai-ling is leading the women in SINGING Christian hymns (in Chinese) and in prayer. Hard Bones, Fox and Kool-Aid are kneeling just behind them. Kool-Aid is holding an open Bible. He and Fox are especially unhappy. Kool-Aid WHISPERS through clenched teeth.
KOOL-AID
Your name ain't 'Fox'.
EXT. LANDING ZONE - DAY
We see Hard Bones demonstrating his style of kung-fu to an admiring group of young Chinese men who are following his movements. Hard Bones continues his movements as he converses.
KOOL-AID
Hey, I got a question.
HARD BONES
Yeah.
KOOL-AID
You learned this kung-fu
style on Taiwan, right?
HARD BONES
Yeah.
KOOL-AID
Well, you learned it from people who
carried on the tradition they learned
from their ancestors. Right?
HARD BONES
Yeah.
KOOL-AID
And their ancestors are the very
people now learning it from you.
HARD BONES
Is there a point to this?
KOOL-AID
So don't that make you both teacher
and student? I mean, if you're
teaching it here and learning it
there, and they're learning it here
and teaching it there, then who
actually started it? Who the fuck
learned it from who? Where did it-
HARD BONES
Are you trying to fuck with my mind?
KOOL-AID
No, man, I just-
HARD BONES
Then go help Wizard and stop bullshitting!
KOOL-AID
Yeah, sure, Hard Bones. Take it easy.
CLOSE UP - HARD BONES FACE
Hard Bones is obviously thinking about what Kool-Aid said.
EXT. CLEARING - DAY
Kool-Aid puts his arm around Pidgin's shoulder.
KOOL-AID
Uh, Pidgin, I think it's time for
you and me to take a walk in the
woods for awhile. People gettin'
uptight, you know what I mean?
PIDGIN
Walkee what-place?
KOOL-AID
Don't matter. Just so long as
we shag ass outta here.
Kool-Aid picks up his M-16.
EXT. WOODS - DAY
SERIES OF SHOTS: Kool-Aid and Pidgin walking through the banyan trees and waist-high grass down rocky slopes. Within minutes they are able to see glimpses of a bay in the distance.
Several Chinese villagers come running toward them SPEAKING excitedly in Chinese. They CONVERSE with Pidgin.
PIDGIN
Ship bad heart man have come this
side!
KOOL-AID
Ship bad heart man? You mean, the
pirates?
PIDGIN
Yes, mastah. Chin-chin, ga-la! We
go look-see?
KOOL-AID
Damn right we go look-see.
Pidgin SPEAKS to the villagers and they run off. Kool-Aid and Pidgin begin walking at a fast pace.
As they descend the mountain they soon come close to a position looking down on the bay. Pidgin pulls Kool-Aid to the side of a trail and through some bushes. He points to the scene below.
EXT. BAY - DAY
In the bay is the same three-masted pirate frigate as before, its sails still furled and its Jolly Roger pirate ensign still fluttering in the breeze.
British, American and Chinese pirates, some aloft and some on deck, are hard at work. They respond to the orders of the captain, SHOUTING ORDERS through his speaking trumpet.
Greenwood is standing next to the captain, his M-16 slung on his shoulder; grenades on his belt.
The ship is a floating fortress with its main deck, quarterdeck and bulwarks brimming with cannon, rockets, swivel guns, bow guns, stern chaser, etc.
At the bow is a rack lined with grappling hooks and boarding pikes. In addition to the cannon on the main deck, the gun ports lining the gun deck suggest that even heavier cannon are lashed out of sight.
The frigate's crew is dressed as seamen of the period and are as hardened in their way as the helicopter crew is in theirs. The European sailors wear guernseys, denim or duck trousers and sea boots. The Chinese sailors wear loose jackets and wide trousers. Others are wearing very little. Most are barefoot.
EXT. BUSHES - DAY
A wide-eyed Kool-Aid nudges Pidgin and motions for them to go.
As they start to run from the bush, Pidgin grabs Kool-Aid and pulls him down. As Kool-Aid starts to protest, Pidgin covers his mouth. He points to the path.
POV - KOOL-AID
Dozens of Chinese soldiers - Tigers of War - are walking in loose military formation. Each man is wearing the same type of bizarre uniform: close-fitting yellow-and-gold striped jacket and trousers, with a striped cap nearly covering the face. Each cap snugly fits the head and ends in tiger-like ears. Each man is armed with a sword and a bamboo shield painted to represent a fierce tiger's head with open mouth and immense teeth.
They look fierce but absurd. As they pass they SPEAK and LAUGH among themselves. They walk down the path, passing within a few yards of Kool-Aid and Pidgin, then disappear around a bend.
EXT. BUSHES - DAY
KOOL-AID
What the hell was that?! Halloween?
PIDGIN
Tigers of War! They likee fight!
More better they no can see us.
KOOL-AID
Roger, that! Come on, let's get
outta here!
As they hurriedly but cautiously rush back up the path, again several dozen Tigers of War approach. Kool-Aid and Pidgin throw themselves under bushes but one of the Tigers of War has to urinate. His release comes perilously close to Kool-Aid.
CUT TO:
POV - HARD BONES
We see the frigate through binoculars. All sails have been furled and the men on deck are attending to chores: holystoning the deck, tarring the shrouds, refitting block-and-tackle, etc. A few men are swimming in the water near the ship. The pirate captain is on shore selling flintlocks and matchlocks to the Tigers of War.
KOOL-AID (V.O.)
I'm telling you the son-of-a-bitch
practically pissed on me!
EXT. BUSHES - DAY
Hard Bones takes the binoculars from his eyes and hands them to Fox. Kool-Aid, Pidgin, Ai-ling and some of the Taipings are standing beside them. Ai-ling is SPEAKING.
HARD BONES
Ai-ling says Tigers of War are
special units fighting for the
Ch'ing Imperial Army. A kind
of elite force.
KOOL-AID
Oh, shit! You mean I just ran into
the Green Berets of the Ch'ing Dy-
nasty?
HARD BONES
Something like that. But she says
this is an isolated group that
decided to join with the pirates.
FOX
Congreve rockets! Damn! I
never thought I'd ever really
see Congreve rockets! And
those cannon must be 24-pounders
which means the gun deck probably
carries at least 32-pounders!
KOOL-AID
What the hell is the hour glass
on the flag for?
FOX
It's the pirates' way of warning
enemies that if you oppose them
your time is running out.
KOOL-AID
Oh, man, I had R&R in-
Fox speaks while looking through the binoculars.
FOX
-Bangkok. Yeah, we know, Kool-Aid,
bad break. But you worry too much.
KOOL-AID
Worry?! Why should I worry? Oh, sure,
Greenwood was a Recondo School instructor;
the man has taught Green Berets how to
survive! And now he's got a loaded M-16
and a crew of bloodthirsty pirates and
a brig full of cannon! He knows he has
to kill us to get to the chopper and he
knows where we are!
HARD BONES
It's not a brig; it's a frigate.
KOOL-AID
And some nut cases in tiger outfits - Ch'ing
Dynasty counterparts of Greenwood - are
runnin' around the woods looking for trouble.
And, not to bother you with minor details,
but my black ass is stuck in the wrong fucking
century. But, you are so right, my man - why
should I be worried?!
HARD BONES
You sure you saw Greenwood?
KOOL-AID
Not many pirates wearing US Army-
issued tiger fatigues, my man.
HARD BONES
Well, then, tonight we'll pay that
frigate a courtesy call and see
just whose time is running out.
KOOL-AID
Bye, bye, Bangkok.
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
Hard Bones is leading Wizard, Kool-Aid, Pidgin and Ai-ling along a narrow trail through the woods. Single file - 'nam style. The crew have modern weapons and helmets camouflaged with twigs and leaves; Pidgin and Ai-ling have bows-and-arrows.
The sky is overcast and the woods are dark and foreboding. The dim light transforms the moving shadows of every tree, every bush, every clump of grass into something more sinister than complete darkness. Kool-Aid glances over his shoulder at a slope.
EXT. SLOPE - NIGHT
About fifty villagers are dug in on the slope. They are armed with muskets and bow-and-arrows. Almost all have their lighted lanterns beside them.
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
The men SPEAK in whispers.
KOOL-AID
Look at those poor bastards up
there with those lanterns. They
make perfect targets!
HARD BONES
I told you before. It's a Chinese
thing - you wouldn't understand.
She says that's the way they fight.
I can't change history.
KOOL-AID
The way they fight could get us all
killed!
HARD BONES
You talking too much is what could
get us all killed!
Suddenly, there is movement behind a bush. Hard Bones stoops and halts the column. The men SPEAK in urgent whispers.
KOOL-AID
Hey! I think I saw a Tiger of War!
Ai-ling SPEAKS to Hard Bones.
KOOL-AID
What'd she say?
HARD BONES
Well, she said pretty much what John
Wayne said to Henry Fonda in "Fort
Apache." If you saw them, they
weren't apaches.
KOOL-AID
Yeah, well, John Wayne ain't been
born yet, so fuck him and the horse
he rides in on!
The bush rustles again. Ai-ling shoots an arrow at the bush and a wild goat SQUEALS and runs out. It runs in circles, GRUNTING in panic, and then drops dead.
Hard Bones gives Kool-Aid an I-told-you-so look and signals for them to move out. In a SERIES OF SHOTS they continue moving down the trail.
WE THEN SEE them through the eerie view of the night scope stolen by Greenwood. Suddenly, Kool-Aid stumbles into a trip flare and as it goes off all hell breaks loose.
The sky is lit up with streaks of flame and we hear the sinister HISSING of incoming Chinese arrow-headed rockets.
WIZARD
Incoming!
They run and roll to cover. It is a typical Vietnam-style firefight - fast and fierce, with the helicopter crew letting loose with maximum firepower into darkness and terrain concealing unseen targets.
HARD BONES
They were waiting for us! Head
back!
Hard Bones covers the retreat for the others with his M-16 and grenades and then runs back to join them. He is almost out of breath. Firing is all around them.
HARD BONES (cont)
The frigate was the bait! We fell
for it!
Suddenly, there are several LOUD EXPLOSIONS and reddish-orange flashes from beyond the hill.
KOOL-AID
They hit the claymores! That means
they're goin' for the chopper!
WIZARD
They got us damn well pinned down;
I'll say that for them!
The enormous CRASH of heavy rounds lands not far from them, each crash followed by a LOUD BOOM.
WIZARD
What the hell was that?!
HARD BONES
I think they're firing the ship's
cannon at us!
KOOL-AID
You mean, like, Mr. Charles is calling
in coordinates for an artillery strike
on us?!
HARD BONES
Something like that!
KOOL-AID
But we're supposed to be doin'
shit like that!
WIZARD
Wrong century!
Kool-Aid glances toward the slope.
KOOL-AID
And those fools up there still got
their lanterns goin'.
WIZARD
Perfect targets!
Ai-ling SPEAKS to Hard Bones in Chinese.
HARD BONES
That's it! Perfect targets!
WIZARD
What are you talking about?
HARD BONES
Chinese military strategy! The
cicada sheds its skin; then
moves on! But the skin left
behind looks like the cicada!
This woman is a genius!
WIZARD
Could you make some sense?
HARD BONES
Wizard, you keep firing as if
there's twenty of you! The
rest come with me.
Hard Bones disappears into the bushes and Kool-Aid, Ai-ling and Pidgin follow. Wizard furiously racks and fires his shotgun.
EXT. PIRATE ARMY - NIGHT
Chinese pirates, as well as their equally scruffy allies who have deserted from the Ch'ing army, are walking in loose military file through an area of trees and tall grass. At the head of their formation are two western pirates from the frigate. Some of the Chinese are carrying lighted lanterns as well as weapons. Suddenly one of them points to the hillside.
BRITISH PIRATE
They're trying to escape!
PIRATES' POV
The hillside is covered with lanterns moving about in the darkness.
EXT. BATTLE SCENE - NIGHT
The pirates aim and fire furiously at the lanterns. In the darkness we see the flashes of the flintlock rifles, matchlock rifles, wheelock rifles and minie rifles. Two men are firing a jingall, a long-barrelled rifle on a tripod, and each time it fires the man firing is knocked down by the recoil.
Grayish smoke from the rifles using old-fashioned black powder is partly covering the scene. In the darkness we also see CLOSE-UPS of sparks from flints dropping into rifle pans filled with priming powder and their maincharges igniting, as well as the lit matchcords of the matchlocks.
On the hillside the lanterns are now moving in all directions at great speed. The pirates are confident, almost gleeful, in their victory. They rush toward the hillside.
BRITISH PIRATE
Look at 'em run! Keep it up!
As the pirates move closer to the hillside, one of the lanterns is approaching them from the darkness up ahead at full speed.
BRITISH PIRATE
Look out!
AMERICAN PIRATE
I got 'im; he's mine!
The pirate aims his flintlock and fires. The lantern stops moving.
BRITISH PIRATE
You got the bastard!
The two pirates and a group of Chinese rush forward to claim their trophy. When they reach it, they stop abruptly.
PIRATES' POV
A dying goat with a lantern tied to its horns by a strip of bamboo.
EXT. BATTLE SCENE - NIGHT
The American pirate kneels to examine the lantern and the bamboo, then looks up at the hillside still full of lights zigzagging in all directions and realizes in horror that he has been tricked.
Suddenly, there is an enormous EXPLOSION and SOUNDS of automatic weapons FIRING. From the pirates' rear, we see Hard Bones and others throwing grenades and firing their M-16s. The Chinese use bows-and-arrows.
BRITISH PIRATE
They're behind us!
The battle is furious but quickly over. The Chinese pirates have no chance at all against the surprise attack with modern weapons. Those not fallen are soon in full retreat. In close fighting, Hard Bones and his students make use of their kung fu.
WIZARD
They're running!
KOOL-AID
We got 'em!
EXT. KOOL-AID AND A BRITISH PIRATE - NIGHT
They are about to collide as they both round the intersection of a trail from the opposite sides. Kool-Aid has his M-16 and the pirate has a matchlock with the end of the slow match (cord) burning. As they meet, each in shock fires his rifle before taking proper aim. Neither hits the other.
The pirate recovers from his shock at seeing Kool-Aid just as Kool-Aid also recovers. Kool-Aid aims and squeezes the trigger but his rifle is empty. With practiced speed, he ejects the magazine and shoves another one in and then aims to fire. However, the sight of his opponent reloading his matchlock fascinates him and he slowly lowers his own weapon. REACTION SHOTS of Kool-Aid are interspersed with his opponent's painstaking reloading.
POV - KOOL-AID
The pirate grabs his powder-filled leather container from his bandoleer. He opens it with his thumb and then pours the powder into the barrel. He then takes a lead ball from his pouch and starts it into the muzzle with his thumb. With his ramrod he rams the ball down the muzzle. He withdraws the ramrod, grabs his small priming flask, and primes the flash pan with fine powder, being careful to keep the burning match at a safe distance. Finally, with the gun fully loaded the pirate raises it, blows ashes off the match cord tip and clamps it firmly into the serpentine (S-shaped hammer) and then aims at Kool-Aid.
EXT. SHOT FROM OVER KOOL-AID'S SHOULDER - NIGHT
FX: shotgun BLAST as the pirate is blown away.
EXT. BATTLE SCENE - NIGHT
WIZARD
You waiting for an engraved invitation to shoot?
KOOL-AID
(looking down at the pirate)
It's not fair, man. He never had a chance.
Wizard grabs Kool-Aid's M-16 away from him, picks up the matchlock and throws it to him just as Fox arrives on the scene with several armed villagers and Taiping women warriors.
WIZARD
Here. You use the matchlock
from now on and I'll give the
pirates the M-16. How's that?
KOOL-AID
(grabbing his rifle)
Give me that!
WIZARD
Pirates hit the claymores?
FOX
More like the claymores hit them.
What's left of them is still out
there. Full of hot little pellets.
Kool-Aid suddenly notices the layer of black on his arms. He rubs it with his fingers and looks at them. The tips of his fingers are full of a black substance.
KOOL-AID
Jesus Christ, it is coming off!
FOX
That's black powder from the flint-
locks, you idiot!
Kool-Aid closes his eyes in relief.
KOOL-AID
Whew!
EXT. LANDING ZONE - DAY
Hard Bones and Wizard are working on the helicopter. Kool-Aid, Pidgin and Fox are nearby, cleaning rifles and small arms.
KOOL-AID
So did we kick their ass last night, or what?
HARD BONES
Don't kid yourself. We were lucky.
And that was just a probe. They'll
be back. Before that happens, we've
got to get the pitch change link.
During the following exchanges, a well-dressed Chinese man walks into the scene and approaches Pidgin. Pidgin joins him and the two Chinese move away and CONVERSE in Chinese. They stand over Larson's grave and the newcomer RAISES HIS VOICE.
KOOL-AID
Yeah, I sure would like to be air-
borne when they come. We are gonna
be airborne once we get the missing
link, ain't we?
HARD BONES
Wizard, Kool-Aid wants to know if
we're gonna be airborne once we
get the missing link.
WIZARD
If we got Kool-Aid on board we got
the missing link.
KOOL-AID
Hey, that's real funny, Wizard,
my man. One more crack like-
WIZARD
Can't tell 'til we get it. I can
tell you that even if we get the link,
we still got torque problems, lift
problems, and we got a rotor blade
out of track so the whole shebang
is dynamically unbalanced.
FOX
Is that all?
WIZARD
Hell, no! Rockets are screwed up,
bearings are shot, minigun linkage
is damaged so they won't move. And
that's the good news.
Pidgin SPEAKS to Hard Bones and Hard Bones follows him to join the new arrival at Larson's grave. Fox nudges Kool-Aid to query who the newcomer is. Kool-Aid shrugs. They continue to work.
KOOL-AID
So if we're really here how come
I didn't read about us in my fifth
grade history book?
FOX
Why? because we're in a remote
area, that's why.
WIZARD
I asked Hard Bones that very ques-
tion. He says it's because if
any official reports to the emperor
that a flying dragon ship landed,
the emperor would think the official
was covering up some rebellion that
got out of hand or else was high on
British-smuggled opium. In either
case the official would lose his head.
KOOL-AID
Speaking of opium, I wouldn't mind-
Hard Bones returns with Pidgin and the newcomer.
HARD BONES
Take a break and gather round.
The men put down their weapons and stand near Hard Bones.
HARD BONES
This gentleman is the assistant
of a very famous feng-shui man.
KOOL-AID
What the fuck is-
HARD BONES
A feng-shui man is a geomancer;
somebody who uses charts and compasses
and all kinds of things to...determine
the natural harmony in the currents
of the cosmic breath.
FOX
You been into Kool-Aid's pills?
HARD BONES
To make a long story short, we
seem to have buried Larson in
such a way that the grave has
disturbed the natural harmony in
the currents of the cosmic breath
and that can affect the living
adversely as well as the dead.
KOOL-AID
Well, pardon me all over the
fuckin' place, but I don't
hear Larson complainin', so-
HARD BONES
And so this gentleman would greatly
appreciate it if we would rebury
Larson in a more propitious spot.
KOOL-AID
Propitious my ass! How about-
HARD BONES
This gentleman says his master
has heard about us and believes he
knows how we got here and why and,
most important, how we can get out.
So, if I may have your word that
you will hear me out without any
further asshole interruptions, I
will proceed.
WIZARD
If you're saying that what you got to
say will get me back to the world,
I'll make damn sure you aren't in-
terrupted and I'll kiss his ass.
KOOL-AID
He can get us outta this fucked-up
dynasty, I'll send him my sister.
HARD BONES
I don't think either will be ne-
cessary, but it's the thought that
counts.
After the first few lines of the following monologue, the CAMERA DOLLIES past the face of each man and records the REACTIONS of the men as they stare incredulously at Hard Bones.
HARD BONES (cont)
OK, I can't quite get all of it, but
basically what he says is that when
we shot at the VC in 'nam the ground
we shot up with bullets and missiles
was actually the forepaw of a huge
sleeping dragon known as the Green Star
Dragon. And the injured dragon rolled
over and roared, which sent us spinning
out of control and flying into China
exactly where we came out. Disturbing
the dragon also sent us into the past.
I can't understand how exactly but he
says it has to do with yin and yang and
trigrams, hexagrams, the five elements,
the Book of Changes, and with the fact
that we destroyed the natural harmony
in the currents of the cosmic breath...
In other words, gentlemen, when we shot
at Charlie we pissed off a dragon.
The feng-shui man SPEAKS and HARD BONES translates.
HARD BONES (cont)
However, he says we can get back
into the present and back where
we came from by shooting up the
dragon's tail which is here in
Southern China, and is, where we
came in. When the dragon roars
and rolls over we will emerge
back in Vietnam with as much time
passed there as has passed here.
FOX
Somebody's been in the sun too long.
WIZARD
We got to get Hard Bones to a
medic. Fast!
HARD BONES
(ignoring them)
He says we need to be at the exact
spot we came in at exactly the
right hour and right day.
The feng-shui man again SPEAKS and Hard Bones again translates.
HARD BONES (cont)
He says his master needs to know the
year, month, day and hour of our births
to check them with the map of the
heavenly bodies because there are
lucky days and unlucky days to start
any journey, and time is divided
into cycles such as the twelve animals,
the five substances, the five principal
planets, the five colors, the five-
KOOL-AID
Five virgins is what we be needin’.
HARD BONES
Anyway, he needs to find the day and
hour that will best harmonize with
them all. And if I will pay a courtesy
call on his master, and engage him in
a game of Chinese chess, he will attempt
to help us.
For a moment, no one speaks. Then Kool-Aid springs forward and speaks with mock enthusiasm.
KOOL-AID
Hey, I get it! Yeah! All we gotta
do is shoot up the dragon's paw, he
rolls over, lets out a roar, and
we're outta here! Back in 'nam!
Sure. Makes a lot of sense. Uh,
Hard Bones, can I see you in private
for a minute?
Kool-Aid smiles and nods to the feng-shui man as he leads Hard Bones a few steps away from the group.
KOOL-AID (cont)
This Papasan Chinaman is fuckin'
dinky-dau! I mean, he has got
his head so far up his ass he
needs a glass belly-button to
see out, you dig?
HARD BONES
You got a better explanation for
what happened to us?
KOOL-AID
Well, no, but-
HARD BONES
You got a better idea of how we
get outta here?
KOOL-AID
No, I ain't, but-
HARD BONES
Then shut the fuck up and give the
nice feng-shui man your birth date.
Hard Bones walks back to the group.
KOOL-AID
Jesus Christ, you're more dinky-
dau than the Chinaman! Hey! I
got a question. What if the
dragon rolls over the other way?
When Hard Bones RELATES the question to the feng-shui man, the feng-shui man LAUGHS uproariously. He SPEAKS to the other Chinese who join in the LAUGHTER. Then the feng-shui man SPEAKS to Hard Bones.
HARD BONES
He says even a child knows the Green
Star dragon cannot roll the other
way because the White Moon Tiger
is sleeping there.
Wizard and Fox join in the LAUGHTER and begin MOCKING Kool-Aid for his ignorance.
KOOL-AID
Something about this fuckin'
dynasty makes everybody dinky-dau.
HARD BONES
Kool-Aid, take Pidgin and check on
the frigate. When we get back,
we're going for the missing link.
And be careful!
KOOL-AID
Come on, Pidgin. Anything to get
away from these fruitcakes.
PIDGIN
(tapping his head)
No b'long reason?
KOOL-AID
You got it, my man. These jokers
no b'long reason!
As they leave the perimeter, a villager armed with a flintlock jumps up from behind some bushes.
VILLAGER
Password!
KOOL-AID
Jimi Hendrix!
PIDGIN
Jimme'enlik!
KOOL-AID
Wait a minute! You're supposed to
ask for the password when people
are tryin' to get in the landing
zone, not when- Oh, fuck it!
INT. FENG-SHUI MASTER'S COURTYARD - DAY
The assistant to the feng-shui master is leading Fox and Hard Bones through the inner gate and into the courtyard of an upper- class Chinese house. The man bows politely and disappears. Fox and Hard Bones sit on Chinese blackwood chairs. All around are beautifully carved roof beams, tiled walls covered with paintings and calligraphic scrolls, carved blackwood tables set with jade vases and prize plants.
HARD BONES
Now, look, feng shui men are very
dignified, you understand? Dollars
to donuts he'll have a robe and a
long white beard.
FOX
I'd rather he has the donuts.
HARD BONES
Protocol is everything. If he offers
you tea, don't drink it. Only when
he drinks from his cup, that means -
Oh, shit!
FOX
What's the matter?
HARD BONES
I'm trying to remember the right respon-
ses. He'll say something like "You
are too kind to honor me with the
presence of your footsteps" and I have
to say something like "The honor belongs
to this unworthy disciple." He'll ask,
"What is your honorable age?" and I'll
say my worthless number is such and such.
When he asks, "Where is your mansion?" I
say, my hovel is such and such. He'll ask-
FOX
Sounds like a lot of bullshit to me.
HARD BONES
That's because you're an American from
the 20th century. But-
The door opens and an extremely short, self-absorbed, man enters the courtyard followed by the assistant. The man is wearing a western suit several sizes too large. He peers through enormous Chinese-style tortoise shell spectacles and is almost constantly blinking. He is using his long, pointed nails to strip off the hard shells of watermelon seeds and is constantly popping the kernels into his mouth. He speaks with an English accent and adds a small CACKLE to almost all his dialogue. His voice is very high-pitched. He is the type who seldom lets others finish a sentence.
He walks quickly to them and stares at them. Hard Bones nudges Fox and they both rise. The man points to Fox.
FENG-SHUI MASTER
Who play chess? You?
HARD BONES
Venerable sir, this unworthy person
does his best to play the-
FENG-SHUI MASTER
At last, an opponent! Come! Come!
The feng-shui master takes Hard Bones by the arm and leads. Fox and Hard Bones follow him and his assistant through various courtyards toward the door of a building at the rear.
FENG-SHUI MASTER
Very difficult to find a worthy
opponent here. When I was in
Canton, I taught an Englishman
to play.
HARD BONES
You worked with the English?
FENG-SHUI MASTER
Yes, yes, all English in Canton
know me. I am Bamboo Jack!
HARD BONES
Bamboo Jack?
FENG-SHUI MASTER
Yes, yes! I think you have heard
of me, yes?
HARD BONES
Well, it's possible, but-
FENG-SHUI MASTER
Now, there is war between English
and Chinese so I retreat to here.
Wait for better days. Today the
river is low and the ants eat the
fish; tomorrow the river is high
and the fish eat the ants - simple
yin and yang, yes?
The Feng-shui master slaps both men jovially on their backs.
FENG-SHUI MASTER (cont)
Now, let us see which you are -
fish or ants!
The Feng-shui Master CACKLES LOUDLY. Fox throws Hard Bones a look then WHISPERS.
FOX
You do realize Bamboo Jack isn't
flying with all his rotor blades
intact, don't you?
HARD BONES
Shhh!
FOX
Let me get this straight. This
weirdo will help us get back to
'nam if you win the chess match;
and if he wins we take a look at
some silkworms.
HARD BONES
That's what his assistant said.
FOX
Can you beat him?
HARD BONES
I don't know. On Taiwan I was pretty good.
FOX
What do you call 'pretty good'?
HARD BONES
I made the amateurs.
Fox GROANS.
FENG-SHUI MASTER
You are from America but from the future?
Marvelous! I never played chess with
men from future before.
HARD BONES
Well, I never played with men
from the past before, so I guess
that makes us even.
FOX
This place is like a palace!
FENG SHUI MASTER
Ah, yes! Men from other countries
bring in special goods to trade
and Bamboo Jack helps both sides
chase the dollar.
Again the CACKLE and the ungentle back slap.
HARD BONES
(to Fox)
I'd say Bamboo Jack made his for-
tune in opium, wouldn't you?
FOX
Yeah, but why does he want people
to look at silkworms munching
mulberry leaves?
HARD BONES
I don't know. He's obviously eccen-
tric. Maybe he-
The door opens and the men step inside.
INT. CHESS ROOM - DAY
The room is huge and the entire floor is set up as a chessboard. There is an actual stream of water running between the two opponent's "camps" and all along the walls are banners in Chinese testifying to the feng-shui man's many victories. There are also Chinese guards with huge swords and lances standing by.
Hard Bones and Fox stare at the "chessmen." All of the chess pieces are beautiful Chinese women in diaphanous robes. Half are wearing red and half are wearing blue. They are each in their proper place on the board sitting on specially made platforms. Each platform has a flag colored blue or red.
Each woman is wearing a tall Manchu-style hat with a Chinese character signifying her value. Each side of the chessboard has 16 pieces (women) in place: Five pawns, two ministers, two counselors, two knights, two cannon, two rooks and one king. The women begin TITTERING and staring at Hard Bones and Fox. They make COMMENTS about the men to each other.
HARD BONES
Oh, my God.
FOX
You were saying something about
Bamboo Jack being eccentric?!
EXT. WOODS - DAY
Kool-Aid and Pidgin are under attack by a large group of Chinese pirates from the frigate. They are running for their lives and firing at the same time.
CLOSE UP - KOOL-AID'S BOOT ENTERING A PUNJI TRAP
The trap is composed of two rows of sharpened bamboo stakes facing each other beneath a mat carpet covered with leaves. It is the type of trap in which the stakes are angled downward so that once a foot steps in, it cannot be pulled out.
EXT. WOODS - DAY
Kool-Aid is painfully caught and his M-16 goes sprawling. Pidgin grabs the weapon and throws himself beside Kool-Aid and keeps firing. Arrows and bullets THWUCK and SMASH all around them.
KOOL-AID
Pidgin! Get out of here! Go!
PIDGIN
No can!
Pidgin continues firing. A Western pirate sneaks up behind him and is about to pull the trigger of his flintlock when he is suddenly blown away in an enormous BLAST.
We see Wizard firing his shotgun at the ever increasing number of targets.
WIZARD
I thought you boys were gone
too long.
KOOL-AID
You cracker asshole! Get out of
here! There's too many of them!
Wizard ignores the advice and stands in the open killing pirates as they rush in. We see several Chinese pirates with bow-and-arrows let loose their arrows. Wizard is hit in the shoulder and leg. He continues to fire. He is hit again in the leg. Several Chinese jump on Kool-Aid. A pirate clubs Pidgin with the butt of his rifle, knocking him unconscious.
INT. CHESS ROOM - DAY
Hard Bones is walking slowly between his female chess pieces and returning their come-hither smiles. He reaches a spot between a cannon and a pawn. A gong SOUNDS.
FENG-SHUI MASTER
Ten seconds!
Hard Bones reflects for only a few seconds then touches one woman's shoulder.
HARD BONES
Cannon on line four, forward six spaces!
The judge REPEATS the move in Chinese. The girl (cannon) grasps Hard Bones's red flag, rises and walks in a tottering, sexy bound-foot gait across the river bridge to where Bamboo Jack's knight is located. She removes Bamboo Jack's blue flag and replaces it with the red flag. The knight takes Bamboo Jack's flag and walks off the board and onto a balcony overlooking the chess board. Hard Bones's cannon gracefully seats herself onto the stool and smiles at Hard Bones.
The feng-shui man is obviously upset with Hard Bones's move. He walks slowly among his remaining pieces while staring at Hard Bones's remaining pieces south of the river. Hard Bones returns to his seat beside Fox.
FOX
You got him worried now, old buddy.
HARD BONES
I'm not so sure. I can see why no-
body ever beats this guy. He's
clever as hell.
In a SERIES OF SHOTS, the feng-shui man and Hard Bones quickly CALL OUT moves and each time one of the women gets up and walks to a new position. If they are capturing an opponent's piece, the 'captured' woman takes the appropriate flag and leaves the board.
FOX
But you can beat him, right?
HARD BONES
Well, he tore up my Three-Step
Tiger offense, but now we're in
mid-game, so we'll soon know
just how good he is.
FOX
Is there a reason a lot of your
pieces have left the board?
HARD BONES
Yeah, there's a reason. He's winning.
The feng-shui master passes by Hard Bones while studying a move.
FENG-SHUI MASTER
I saw eclipse and I knew a game
would begin. Oh, so much time
since someone visited the Silk-
worm Chamber!
Suddenly, all the color drains from Hard Bones's face.
HARD BONES
Silkworm Chamber?!
FOX
What's the matter?...Hey! Talk
to me!
HARD BONES
Now I understand why nobody ever
shows up to play chess with this
guy.
FOX
What are you talking about?
HARD BONES
He didn't say 'room of silkworms';
he said, 'Silkworm Chamber'. And
there aren't any silkworms in it.
FOX
Could you make some sense?
HARD BONES
They used to have rooms called
the Silkworm Chamber because that's
where men were sent to become eunuchs.
Because a recently castrated man and
a newly hatched silkworm both need
a heated room to survive.
FOX
Castrated?! You mean Bamboo Jack
is a...
CUT TO:
INT. FRIGATE'S GUN DECK - DAY
Wizard and Kool-Aid are sitting on sailors' slop chests; Their arms are tied behind them by ropes stretching to hammock hooks. Wizard is bleeding from his wounds and is in some pain. Their possessions, including Wizard's Bible, are piled near them. The room is lined with cannon lashed to the wall.
The several Chinese pirates who are guarding them are completely absorbed in a noisy game of dice for money.
The door opens and four western pirates enter. They curtly motion for the Chinese to leave. Although none has an eye patch or wooden leg or a parrot on his shoulder, in every other respect they fulfill everyone's worst nightmare of menacing cutthroats. In addition to the sheath knives at their belts, they are armed to the teeth with flintlock pistols and cutlasses.
The pirate captain motions for his men to sit on chests or casks, then all sit facing the prisoners. They stare at the two men, especially Kool-Aid, as if they are exhibits in a zoo. Kool-Aid and Wizard stare back. Finally:
WIZARD
Hey!
KOOL-AID
What?
WIZARD
Weren't these guys extras in Mutiny
on the Bounty?
KOOL-AID
Which one?
WIZARD
All of them.
KOOL-AID
I mean, which version?
WIZARD
You know. With Clark Gable.
KOOL-AID
Nah. They're too young. I think
it was the one with Marlon Brando.
The pirate captain speaks with a Cockney accent.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Clap a stopper on your tongues!
KOOL-AID
(wide-eyed)
What did he say to do with our tongues?
WIZARD
I think he said to "clap a stopper"
on them.
Wizard and Kool-Aid begin to CHUCKLE. Wizard's LAUGHTER is mixed with WINCES from the pain of his wounds.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Goddamn ye! Belay your gabble or
you'll cop a packet!
Wizard and Kool-Aid find it more difficult to stop LAUGHING.
KOOL-AID
Hey, I seen this guy in
Pittsburgh once!
WIZARD
Pittsburgh?!
KOOL-AID
Yeah, he was playin' shortstop
for the Pittsburgh Pirates!
WIZARD
Hey, come on, Kool-Aid, it hurts
when I laugh. Knock it off!
ANOTHER PIRATE (heavy Cockney)
Thi siyuh blaow kiz feh bawmi!
WIZARD
What did he say?
KOOL-AID
I think he said, "This here bloke
is fair balmy!"
Tears of laugher roll down their cheeks while the pirates look at them in wonderment. Wizard tries to talk while LAUGHING hysterically and WINCING from the pain.
WIZARD
I don't mind...being stuck in the
Ch'ing Dynasty but...I do mind
being an extra in a shipboard
version of Treasure Island.
KOOL-AID
Yeah, baby, dig those bellbottoms!
They'd fit right in at USC! And
dig these snappy red floors! It's
like a brothel in here!
WIZARD
No, man, they paint gun deck floors red
so in battle the guncrews won't notice
how much of their blood has spilled.
As that sinks in, Kool-Aid abruptly stops laughing.
KOOL-AID (cont)
Well, Wizard, my man, we are in
deep doo doo. But don't sweat it.
WIZARD
OK, if you can give me one good
reason why I shouldn't sweat it,
I promise not to.
KOOL-AID
Because even as we sit here I guaran-
tee you Hard Bones and Fox are figuring
a way to get us out of here.
BLUR PAN TO:
INT. CHESS ROOM - DAY
There are six pieces left on the board: only two belong to Hard Bones. Fox is increasingly nervous and WHISPERS urgently.
FOX
He's got twice as many players as you!
HARD BONES
So he has. But we're in the end
game and I've got a rook to his
knight and two ministers.
FOX
Hard Bones, don't play games with
me! My family jewels are in the
balance! Can you win?!
HARD BONES
Well, the saying goes that one rook
can make ten pieces tremble. (to
his opponent). Rook on line four
forward one space!
Hard Bones and his opponent again rapidly CALL OUT moves, sending their pieces scurrying about the board.
CLOSE UP - WORRIED FACE OF FOX
EXT. WOODS - DAY
Pidgin is just waking up. He holds his throbbing head and looks around; then moves painfully but quickly into the woods.
INT. FRIGATE'S GUN DECK - DAY
A door opens and Greenwood walks in, armed to the teeth. Larson's ears are on a string around his neck.
Behind him, several Chinese pirates enter the room, including one female. One of them is carrying an unlit torch. Two are carrying a chest on a pole. As they set the chest down, Greenwood smiles and walks to Kool-Aid and Wizard.
KOOL-AID
Look what the cat dragged in.
WIZARD
Yeah. A rat.
Greenwood shoulders his M-16 and simply smiles at their remarks.
KOOL-AID
Hey, Greenwood, how about get-
ting a medic for Wizard?
GREENWOOD
Medic?! Where the fuck you think
you are, back in the 'nam?
He pulls out a pack of Marlboro from his pocket, then realizes it's empty. He SPEAKS as he throws it away.
GREENWOOD
Shit.
KOOL-AID
Looks like Marlboro Man just ran
out of Marlboro.
GREENWOOD
You boys wouldn't happen to have an
American cigarette on you now, would you?
WIZARD
I got a whole carton of Camels in
the baggage compartment on the chopper.
Let us go and I'll be right back with
it. Cross my heart!
Greenwood sits and grins the same cold smile as before.
GREENWOOD
Well, now, that's what I wanted to talk
to you about. I suppose by now Hard
Bones has pretty much mined every square
inch of land all around the chopper.
KOOL-AID
That should be no problem for a Long
Range Reconnaissance Patrol he-man
like you, Greenwood.
WIZARD
Yeah, just don't trip over any wires.
GREENWOOD
Well, it'd be a lot less of a problem
if you boys show me where the traps
and wires are. You do that and I'll
consider you members of my team.
WIZARD
You mean like the team you sent out
last night?
GREENWOOD
Shit! I let those assholes probe
your position 'cause I knew they'd
get the shit kicked out of them.
Now I get listened to around here.
Ain't that right, Captain?
The Captain says nothing but glares at Greenwood.
WIZARD
Looks like the Captain doesn't
think much of you either, Green-
wood.
GREENWOOD
Oh, we just got a little dif-
ference of opinion about who
runs the show. No big deal.
WIZARD
Well, you probe all you like, but
there's no way in hell you'll ever
get that chopper.
GREENWOOD
And that's your final word on the
matter?
WIZARD
It is.
GREENWOOD
Well, then, I'm afraid it is. Your
final word.
A Chinese pirate looks to Greenwood and Greenwood gestures toward the chest. The pirate walks to the chest and opens it. Green-wood walks to the chest and reaches in.
CLOSE SHOT - MASS OF WRITHING SNAKES
INT. GUN DECK - DAY
Holding it just behind its head, Greenwood pulls out a snake about two feet long and nearly as thick as a man's wrist. He gestures to the Chinese pirates and two of them hold Kool-Aid’s arm. Greenwood carries it to Kool-Aid and, although Kool-Aid tries to draw back, the snake lashes out and bites him on the arm. Greenwood sits down on a slop chest and smiles.
GREENWOOD
It's a pit viper. You'll begin to
stiffen in twenty seconds and you'll
be dead in two minutes.
WIZARD
Fuck you, Greenwood. That ain't no
pit viper.
GREENWOOD
Aw shucks, I forgot. You southern
boys know all about shit like that.
Greenwood allows the snake to bite his own arm, then, still holding the snake, gets up.
GREENWOOD (cont)
Last time, gentlemen. You goin' to
show me where the traps and trip
wires are?
KOOL-AID
If they was up your ass you'd know
where they was.
Greenwood CHUCKLES then nods to the British pirates. Except for the Captain, they move toward Kool-Aid.
GREENWOOD
No. Not him. (pointing to Wizard) Him.
Although Wizard struggles to resist, the men force Wizard's mouth open and one places the snake's head inside.
KOOL-AID
Jesus Christ, Greenwood, what
the hell is the matter with you?!
GREENWOOD
Me? Nothing the matter with me.
It's just that I owe this boy
something from on the chopper.
The men holding Wizard pause and look toward Greenwood who gestures again. The pirate holding the torch uses flint and steel to light it. He then takes the burning torch and applies it to the tail of the snake. The action is INTERCUT with CLOSE UPs of reactions - Kool-Aid and the pirates, as even they seem to wince at Greenwood's methods of interrogation. The snake, its head trapped in Wizard's mouth, writhes about madly, frenziedly, desperately trying to escape.
KOOL-AID
Greenwood, you son-of-a-bitch,
stop it!
The pirate captain gets up.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
That's enough! You don't need to
kill a man that way!
The pirates keep the snake head in Wizard's mouth but move the torch away, not certain whom to obey.
GREENWOOD
This is my business.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
On my ship it is my business!
GREENWOOD
I told you: you run the ship and
I do what I have to do to get the
helicopter! They fix that helicopter
before we get it they can blow
this ship out of the water! You
want that?!
The pirate captain glances toward his men, then angrily strides out of the room. Greenwood motions for the pirates to continue their torture of Wizard.
The snake continues its furious thrashing and finally slithers down Wizard's throat almost out of sight. Wizard begins choking and madly straining against his captors until finally he stops struggling - out of air - dead. One of the pirates immediately douses the torch in a fire bucket.
KOOL-AID
You sick motherfucker! Even the
VC didn't think of that one!
As Greenwood retrieves the still-living snake from Wizard's throat and returns it to the chest, Wizard's body is thrown into a corner.
GREENWOOD
I'm sick? You think I'm sick, do
you? Kool-Aid, you are so innocent.
Greenwood rolls a barrel in front of Kool-Aid and then gestures to the female pirate to sit on it. He then motions for the Chinese pirates to unwrap one of her bound feet.
GREENWOOD
I'll show you who's sick. Take
a good look at the world we live
in now.
The Chinese slip off the tiny three-inch shoes from the woman's foot and begin unwrapping the white cotton cloth. The woman blushes and hangs her head but does not resist.
GREENWOOD
Golden lilies, they call these tiny
feet. Millions of women here have
'em. Every Dink mama wants her Dink
daughter to have 'em. I thought you
should see what they look like.
KOOL-AID
They're not Dinks! You think you're
in 'nam?
GREENWOOD
Hey, Kool-Aid, you know, killin' Dinks
in the 20th century or Chinks in the
19th - I really don't give a shit as
long as I'm killin'.
As the last of the wrapping comes off the foot, Kool-Aid looks at it in horror.
POV - KOOL-AID
The woman's stump displays the characteristics of a bound foot: It is deformed, grotesque, hideous and repulsive.
Greenwood holds up the woman's foot to give Kool-Aid a better view.
GREENWOOD
That's beauty here, Kool-Aid. Years
of torture produce it. Oh, sure, in
'nam, you boys might throw a VC
prisoner out of a chopper at a
thousand feet, and the VC might
torture a GI and strip his skin off
while he's alive, but how does that
petty shit compare to this?! If I'm
sick, what are millions of Chinks?
KOOL-AID
You'll never get out of here with
that chopper, you sick son-of-
GREENWOOD
Get out of here?! Hey, man, I belong
here; I love it here; I was reborn to
be here; I don't want the chopper to
escape; I want the chopper to be King
of the Ch'ing!
Greenwood motions for the woman to leave.
KOOL-AID
Greenwood, you're an American! One of
us! How can you betray us?
GREENWOOD
Well, Kool-Aid, since you asked, I'll
tell you. I never did fit in in the
States. It wasn't until I was in
the jungles of 'nam with a weapon in
my hands that I came to life. It was
the first thing I was good at. Damn
good! And I came to realize that the
only side I was on was mine.
KOOL-AID
Nobody's alone, man.
GREENWOOD
That's where you're wrong, Kool-Aid.
Everybody's got a cause - Ch'ing
imperial army, Taiping Revolution,
Republic of Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh, duty,
honor, country - and you know what?
It's all bullshit! Me? I got the one
man I can trust - me.
KOOL-AID
Listen, Greenwood, you help us here
and-
GREENWOOD
And what? I serve only twenty years
instead of life? I got a better idea.
How 'bout I get that chopper, and
then do any fucking thing I want.
Greenwood gestures toward the chest of snakes and the pirates move to take it out.
GREENWOOD (cont)
OK, Kool-Aid. We'll let you thaw out
down below for awhile. Then we'll
see if we can exchange you for the
chopper. Let's see where Hard Bones's
loyalty really lies.
Kool-Aid Kool-Aid is roughly taken out by the pirates.
KOOL-AID
You are one sorry asshole, you know
that, don't you, Greenwood?
Greenwood smiles coldly.
EXT. COURTYARD - DAY
The feng shui man and his assistant have seen Hard Bones and Fox to the gate and are waving goodbye. Hard Bones and Fox are being carried in rattan seats on poles by bearers.
FOX
A draw!? Jesus Christ, my man-
hood was saved by a draw!?
HARD BONES
What are you complaining about?
If he hadn't let me move first
he'd have won. Besides, he
said because I had the guts to
play him, he'll try to help us.
FOX
What was he looking at your hand
for?
HARD BONES
He was reading my palm. He said
he saw three of us - not four.
But the one who was gone would
save us twice; even after he
died.
FOX
Jesus! He is nuts! Are all Chin-
ese dynasties kinky like this one?
HARD BONES
We keep pissing off dragons, we
just might find out.
INT. STORE ROOM OF FRIGATE - DAY
Kool-Aid is in a store room of the ship sitting on wooden casks with his arms and legs tied securely. A lantern is swinging slowly back and forth, casting an uneven light and dispelling very little of the cavernous gloom around him. We hear the CREAKS and GROANS of the ship even when she is at anchor. All around are barrels of provisions and rats are scurrying about, gnawing their way into cheeses and ship's biscuit.
Kool-Aid tries to work his way out of his ropes but quickly gives up the idea as hopeless. He notices the rats watching him.
KOOL-AID
Oh, yeah, now I remember how it
works. I smear the ropes with
food and you guys chew the ropes
and I'm free. But how the hell
do I smear the ropes with food
if my hands are tied? How about
we play a game of 'Let's Pretend'?
The door opens slightly and a Chinese crew member enters the room carrying a lantern. He turns to gesture to someone behind him. Pidgin enters the room followed by Hard Bones. Hard Bones is dressed in pirate clothing: flat, broad-brimmed tarpaulin hat, seaman's checkered shirt, pea jacket, duck trousers, sea boots.
KOOL-AID
Hard Bones! Pid-
HARD BONES
Shhh! Whisper!
Hard Bones quickly takes a knife from his sheath and cuts Kool-Aid's ropes. They all SPEAK in a whisper.
KOOL-AID
Who's this?
PIDGIN
He inside-my-village-man. Bad heart
man makee him work this place.
HARD BONES
We've got a boat waiting. Let's
move!
KOOL-AID
Greenwood killed Wizard.
HARD BONES
I know. (gesturing to the
Chinese) He told us.
KOOL-AID
We're just gonna-
HARD BONES
We'll get our revenge later. We
have to get out of here first.
Kool-Aid quickly picks up his belongings and some of Wizard's. He glances at the Bible, hesitates, then grabs it.
KOOL-AID
How many men you got?
HARD BONES
Fox is on shore with a few men.
But I had to leave most with
the chopper. Bring those ropes.
The crew member opens the door, peers out and motions for them to follow. The men move out into the passageway.
KOOL-AID
Where'd you get the pirate outfit?
HARD BONES
A fellow on shore was taking a nap.
He was kind enough to let me have
his clothes. We'll have to get you
some. First, we've got to get the
pitch change link. Stay close.
SERIES OF SHOTS: The men move cautiously up a ladder and scramble up through a wooden hatch. As someone approaches, they throw themselves behind huge coils of rope, narrowly avoiding detection. The villager WHISPERS to Pidgin. Pidgin turns to Kool-Aid and gestures toward a small cabin, guarded by two English pirates.
PIDGIN
Flen him say t'ing you want for fly-
ing Dragon ship b'long inside.
INT. PASSAGEWAY AND GUARDS - DAY
Suddenly, into their line of vision comes Kool-Aid with his hands up followed by Hard Bones holding a pistol at his back. The guards point their flintlock rifles.
HARD BONES
Relax, mates, I got 'im. The bloke
was trying to escape. I think the
Captain might want to chat with 'im
a bit.
As Hard Bones passes them, the guards lower their rifles. Hard Bones and Kool-Aid immediately knock them out.
PIDGIN
Hab got one piecey man room-
inside catchey whiskey too
muchee. He Engelissman.
From inside the cabin, we hear the SINGING of a man who has been drinking.
ENGLISH PIRATE (O.S.)
She died of a fever; and nothing
could save her;
And that was the end of sweet
Molly Malone;
Now 'er ghost wheels a barrow
Through streets broad and narrow-
Hard Bones grasps his knife and gestures for the crew member to knock on the door. The others stand to the side. The crew member KNOCKS. We HEAR a rough voice from inside the cabin.
ENGLISH PIRATE (O.S.) (cont)
Blimey! 'Old your 'orses, guv'nor!.
I'm comin'.
The door opens and the English Pirate stands facing the crew member.
ENGLISH PIRATE (cont)
Well, my heathen friend, what is-
Hard Bones rushes the man, pushing him inside the room with the knife to his throat. Kool-Aid, Pidgin and the crew member quickly follow. Kool-Aid slips the man's double-barrelled pistol from his belt and holds it on him.
HARD BONES
Now, my heathen friend, you make
one sudden move or sound and I'm
gonna cut you up for Irish stew.
You got that?
The man nods his head. Kool-Aid and the Chinese drag the unconscious guards into the room and lock the door. Kool-Aid begins searching the room.
HARD BONES (cont)
I'll only ask it once. Where's
the pitch change link?
The man hesitates; Hard Bones is about to use the knife; the man nods toward a seaman's chest.
Kool-Aid rummages in the chest, locates it and tosses it to Hard Bones.
KOOL-AID
Got it!
INT. GUNDECK - DAY
The villager peers cautiously from around a corner. Gun ports have been opened to allow light and air to enter. Three western pirates are sleeping in hammocks. The villager motions for the others to enter.
Pidgin enters followed by Hard Bones and Kool-Aid, both now dressed in pirate clothes. An oversized sailor's ditty bag around Kool-Aid's neck contains his fatigues and Wizard's Bible. The pitch change link is tied to Hard Bone's belt.
The villager looks out a gun port then motions for Hard Bones to tie the rope to a wall hammock hook. The rope is then passed out the gun port. The villager is first out, followed by Pidgin.
EXT. WATERLINE OF FRIGATE - DAY
We see two Chinese villagers in a dinghy. One is holding the boat steady while the other prepares to aid those sliding down the rope.
INT. CABIN - DAY
The pirate, tied up in his underwear, is just working his bonds loose.
INT. GUNDECK – DAY
Just as Hard Bones is exiting the gun port, one of the pirates wakes up and rolls over. Kool-Aid turns his back blocking Hard Bones from the pirate's sight and pretends to be looking out the gun port. The pirate is half-asleep.
PIRATE
How many bells have gone?
KOOL-AID
Bells?..Uh, don't worry, mate,
it's not your watch yet.
The man rolls back over and closes his eyes.
PIRATE
On this ship, everybody's in
everybody's mess but on nobody's
watch.
KOOL-AID
Right on! Power to the peo-
HARD BONES
(urgent whisper)
No!
KOOL-AID
Uh, I mean, you got that right,
mate! Some 'o the blokes on
this 'ere ship are fair balmy!
The pirate MUMBLES something and begins SNORING. Kool-Aid glances over his shoulder and then quickly follows Hard Bones out the gun port and slides down the rope.
EXT. WATERLINE OF FRIGATE - DAY
As Kool-Aid is holding onto the rope halfway between the frigate and the boat, we see
EXT. MAIN DECK - DAY
A pirate unbuttons his trousers to take a leak off the side of the ship.
EXT. WATERLINE OF FRIGATE - DAY
Kool-Aid is trying to avoid being urinated on as he slides into the boat.
EXT. MAIN DECK OF FRIGATE - DAY
The pirate, still in underwear, rushes on deck blowing on a boatswain's pipe. He spots Greenwood.
PIRATE
The prisoner's escaped! They got
the thing you hid!
Greenwood brushes the urinating man aside and sees Kool-Aid still holding the rope sliding down toward the boat. Greenwood aims his M-16. It jams. He SWEARS, throws it to the deck, draws his knife and leaps overboard.
EXT. DINGHY - DAY
Greenwood lands on Kool-Aid, knocking him almost unconscious into the boat. Hard Bones immediately charges Greenwood while villagers at the oars panic and jump into the water. The boat rocks wildly. Pidgin and the remaining villager from the ship grab the oars and row.
EXT. MAIN DECK OF FRIGATE - DAY
Pirates from the frigate are attempting to fire at them without hitting Greenwood.
EXT. DINGHY - DAY
Hard Bones is desperately holding onto Greenwood's arm as the blade of the knife gets closer to his throat. He manages to extract the pitch change link from his belt and thrusts it into Greenwood's crotch but as the boat lurches the link falls into the water. Kool-Aid has recovered enough to see what is happening and immediately dives for the link.
As they struggle, Hard Bones forces Greenwood's hand holding the knife back behind his shoulder and Pidgin manages to sink his teeth into Greenwood's hand. Greenwood CRIES OUT and drops the knife. Hard Bones hits him with a right, left, right, knocking Greenwood out of the boat. Pidgin helps Kool-Aid into the boat. Kool-Aid has managed to retrieve the link.
KOOL-AID
I got it! Go! Go! Go!
Bullets smash into the boat as Hard Bones rows them away. The men pole and paddle the boat away from the frigate parallel with the shore.
EXT. BAY - DAY
The boat with Hard Bones and the others is quickly disappearing from sight. Greenwood is picked up by a boat from the frigate.
EXT. FRIGATE MAIN DECK - DAY
The pirate captain is YELLING through his speaking trumpet at men in sampans and small sailing boats near the shore to pursue their boat. Another ship's boat is also hurriedly being launched.
EXT. BAY - DAY
A SERIES OF SHOTS in which boats are gaining on Hard Bones's boat. Arrows are whizzing overhead and musket balls are thudding into their boat and splashing beside it. Finally, they reach shore and as Fox and his men cover them, all five men jump out and run into the woods. In the confusion, Hard Bones and Kool-Aid get separated from the others and run together up hills and down hills. They are almost out of breath when they suddenly run into:
EXT. CLEARING - DAY
Several ferocious looking (regular army) Chinese officers in full Ch'ing Dynasty military dress are practicing archery. Each officer has a monstrous tiger-like face embroidered at his waist. They are something out of a bad dream. They turn to stare at Hard Bones and Kool-Aid. Kool-Aid begins backing up near a tree.
KOOL-AID
Oh, man, these dudes are dressed
down heavy!
HARD BONES
Uh...Hi, guys. Don't mind us.
KOOL-AID
Yeah, We just passin' through. So,
happy trails and all that shit.
Tell the emperor if he in Detroit
some time, he should look me up.
Well, so long for-
As Kool-Aid turns to go, an arrow THUMPS into the tree an inch from his ear.
The soldiers quickly surround the two men and while some pin their arms, others grab their ditty bags and dump the contents onto the ground.
HARD BONES
These guys must work for the local
magistrate.
KOOL-AID
Oh, shit! You mean the pirates'
friend?
HARD BONES
Yeah. We let them take us we'll
end up back with Greenwood.
KOOL-AID
Shit! My mama told me not to join
the goddamned army.
The soldiers look over the contents of Kool-Aid's ditty bag and then open the Bible. Suddenly, they CRY OUT and jump back in horror. One begins SCREAMING in Chinese.
KOOL-AID (cont)
What's his problem?
HARD BONES
They think it's a book of sorcery!
They think you're some kind of
demon!
Hard Bones and Kool-Aid are released and the soldiers back away.
HARD BONES (cont)
It's the same kind of book as their
book of the dead - red capitals,
black-letter type and silver clasp!
And your blackness scares them!
KOOL-AID
The way they actin' it's beginnin'
to scare me!
HARD BONES
This is our only chance! Act crazy!
Like you're in a spell or trance or
something!
KOOL-AID
What kind of spell?
HARD BONES
Just do it!
Kool-Aid picks up the Bible, opens it and begins his act, shaking, quaking and moving toward the soldiers as he speaks.
KOOL-AID
Ooohhhh! Ooooohhhh! I call upon the
gods of...music! Ringo! George! Paul!
John! Jimmy! Jefferson Airplane!
He opens his vial of pills and takes one as he sings.
KOOL-AID (cont)
One pill makes you larger!
He takes another pill.
KOOL-AID (cont)
And one pill makes you small!
And the ones that mother gives you!
He throws pills at the soldiers who cower and move back. He moves closer to them and then finishes with menacing gestures and full histrionics.
KOOL-AID (cont)
Don't do anything at all!
Go ask Alice!
When she's ten feet tall!
Keep your head! Keep your head!
Keep you head!
The soldiers run off in panic.
Hard Bones quickly begins gathering their belongings.
HARD BONES
Let's get out of here!
As they start to run, weapons FIRE from an M-16 and flintlocks churns up the ground around them. Greenwood and several pirates are on a hillside with a clear shot at them.
GREENWOOD
I knew you'd come for them! Now
you can kiss your ass goodbye!
Suddenly several arrows whiz about their heads, striking two of the pirates. The Taipings appear on the other side of the clearing, providing cover for Hard Bones and Kool-Aid who manage to make it to safety. During the fighting, another pirate is struck with an arrow but Greenwood's M-16 cuts down two of the Taiping women.
EXT. TRAIL - DAY
Fox and the Chinese are running toward the sound of gunfire. As Greenwood pursues the Taipings, Fox sends him tumbling for cover with fire from his M-16.
FOX
Hard Bones! You OK?
HARD BONES
You mean except for the fact that
I'm living in the wrong century?
Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks to Wizard's
Bible and these lovely ladies.
FOX
Pidgin says Wizard's dead.
HARD BONES
He is. Greenwood killed him.
FOX
That son-of-a-bitch! Where's Kool-Aid?
Hard Bones turns around without spotting Kool-Aid.
HARD BONES
He was here a minute ago.
EXT. BESIDE THE TRAIL - DAY
Hard Bones and Fox come upon Kool-Aid's body lying in the midst of a bamboo thicket. Hard Bones kneels, lifts Kool-Aid's eyelids and takes his pulse. Fox also looks him over, then throws a questioning glance at Hard Bones.
HARD BONES
This fool passed out from his pills.
CUT TO:
EXT. LANDING ZONE - DAY
It is sunset. The sky is beautiful. Hard Bones, Pidgin, the villagers and some of the Taiping women are grouped together. Hard Bones is adjusting a bandage on Ai-ling's arm. Fox is sitting beside a still sleepy Kool-Aid who is just waking up. Fox is slapping his face and forcing him to drink tea.
FOX
How you doin'?
KOOL-AID
My head wants to burst and my arms
ache and my ribs hurt. Other than
that...
FOX
I heard about Wizard. I wish we
could have been there for you guys.
KOOL-AID
Yeah, so do I. Anyway, where was
you people?
FOX
Playing chess with Bamboo Jack.
Kool-Aid practically chokes on his tea.
FOX (cont)
Hard Bones thinks he's a eunuch
who wants company in more ways
than one!
KOOL-AID
Man, am I fucked up! I just thought
I heard you say- Hell, never mind.
If you could have been there, you
would have been.
FOX
You got that right.
KOOL-AID
So what are we gonna do about
Greenwood?
HARD BONES
We're going to test the chopper.
Now. If it works, then we'll see
if we can avenge Wizard's death.
It was his Bible that saved us.
FOX
Jesus, Your mad feng-shui man said
that one of us would die but would
save us after he died - twice!
Hard Bones gets up and walks to the helicopter.
HARD BONES
Well, that's once. Anyway, now it's
time to find out if we can get out
of here. So, let's do it.
SERIES OF SHOTS: The men and the helicopter: The pitch change link has been installed. Preflight inspection: Switches on, one by one. Hard Bones squeezes the start lever. The igniters activate, the turbine WHINES and the blades begin to turn. Except for the backup hydraulics, all instruments are in the green.
Kool-Aid has been watching the rotor blades. He gives Hard Bones a thumbs up. The villagers and Taiping women move away. Hard Bones motions to Pidgin. Kool-Aid helps an astonished Pidgin into the co-pilot's seat and straps him in.
SERIES OF SHOTS: Hard Bones pulls the chopper up to a hover then accelerates forward across the grassy plateau achieving transational lift just before the tree line perimeter.
SERIES OF SHOTS: Hard Bones testing the helicopter. Pidgin's wide eyes. Bad vibrations when climbing because the blades are not tracking perfectly. Hard Bones skims ricefields, sending farmers scattering. Hard Bones rolling and banking the chopper: Pidgin's white knuckles, Pidgin's astonished smile and his queue flying in the wind.
EXT. LANDING ZONE - EVENING
Suppertime around a fire. Everyone is eating. Fox, Kool-Aid and Pidgin are together; Ai-ling and Hard Bones are a short distance off. The woman seems as wary of Hard Bones as she is fascinated by him.
PIDGIN
Pidgin walkee topside in flying
dragon ship! Too muchee faint
heart! Flying dragon ship can
walkee chop chop allo place!
FOX
You said it, Pidgin. Choppers
are great!
KOOL-AID
Yeah, choppers is great. But maybe
next time we flip the coin, if we
win the toss, how about Charlie gets
the choppers and we get the jungle?
FOX
I'll mention it to General Abrams when
we get back.
Kool-Aid and Pidgin are eating Chinese food. There is a pile of coins in front of them. They are gambling with a finger-throwing game. Pidgin throws a small finger; Kool-Aid a thumb.
KOOL-AID
Damn! Concubine beats the hus-
band, right?
PIDGIN
Yes, mastah, you savvy too muchee!
Pidgin happily takes another coin from the pile.
KOOL-AID
Yeah, well, if I savvy too muchee,
how come I keep losing too muchee?!
As he loses at gambling, Kool-Aid is wolfing down the Chinese food Pidgin has given him. He notices Hard Bones's food.
KOOL-AID
Hey, Hard Bones, what you eating
that C-ration crap for? I thought
you into Chinese food.
Hard Bones takes a spoonful of C-ration.
HARD BONES
Some I like; some I don't like.
KOOL-AID
Well, I can tell you, you is missin'
something here. This goat meat in
sweet sauce ain't half bad.
PIDGIN
No, mastah, no goat meat. This
first chop number one food Swatow
people.
KOOL-AID
(still eating)
Real fancy shit, huh? So
what is it?
Pidgin tries to SAY it in English but finally SPEAKS in Chinese to Hard Bones.
HARD BONES
He says it's a Swatow specialty:
'mice dipped in honey.'
Kool-Aid blanches and rushes to some nearby bushes to vomit. We HEAR the SOUNDS of his vomiting (O.S.)
HARD BONES (cont)
Yep. Sure do love these C's.
EXT. LANDING ZONE - DAY
It is dawn. Except for the Taiping guards, everyone is sleeping. Suddenly, the assistant feng-shui man rushes into the landing zone. He begins SPEAKING hurriedly to Hard Bones. Hard Bones is not pleased by what he is hearing.
KOOL-AID
What's up?...OK, on a scale of one
to ten, ten being the worst, where
are we?...OK, twenty being the worst.
HARD BONES
According to his master's charts,
our best chance of getting out of here
is to leave this morning. After that,
we won't have another opportunity
until one full Cycle of Cathay passes.
FOX
Cycle of Cathay?
HARD BONES
Sixty years. According to their
calculations, we should leave during
the Hour of the Dragon at exactly
7:46 a.m.
Kool-Aid looks at his watch.
KOOL-AID
Hour and forty minutes!
Hard Bones speaks after a few seconds of silence.
HARD BONES
You know Greenwood's buddies are
just waiting for us to leave so they
can finish these people off.
KOOL-AID
We don't go now, we don't go at all.
FOX
There it is.
Hard Bones glances at Ai-ling; Kool-Aid looks at Pidgin. Every- one looks at Hard Bones. Finally, Hard Bones heads for the chopper.
HARD BONES
Let's get ready if we're going!
Extra food and weapons are given to the villagers and their Taiping allies. Wizard places trip wires and explosives at the periphery of the clearing. Kool-Aid gives Pidgin a refresher course in how to throw grenades and reload an M-16. Hard Bones and Fox prepare the helicopter.
The blacksmith presents Fox with an extremely fine flintlock rifle. Fox protests but the blacksmith insists. Hard Bones distributes the steel helmets from the baggage compartment. He places one on Ai-ling's head and adjusts the strap.
Finally, everything is loaded and ready for takeoff. The crew is inside, again wearing flight helmets. Hard Bones is rapidly going through startup procedures. Fox is checking his watch.
The blades begin whirling. Pidgin runs up to the cargo door, takes off his Buddha amulet and hands it to Kool-Aid. Kool-Aid puts it around his neck then looks about for something to give Pidgin. He takes off his .45 pistol, hands it to Pidgin and gives him a black handshake. Ai-ling SPEAKS to Hard Bones through the cockpit door. When he tries to SPEAK to her, she places her fingers to her lips then to his lips and backs away.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Hard Bones sends the helicopter airborne. Through the chin bubble and windshield and doorway, the three men see the landing zone very quickly drop away beneath them. Fox notices the strange look on Hard Bones's face.
FOX
What'd she say to you?
HARD BONES
She said not to worry. She said...
a Taiping woman warrior knows
how to die.
Kool-Aid removes his Buddha amulet and hands it to Hard Bones.
KOOL-AID
Pidgin had the old man carve something
for me. You read that stuff?
Hard Bones studies it and hands it back.
HARD BONES
It says: 'Oh, go and ask that river
flowing to the East, if it can
travel farther than a friend's love.'
REACTION SHOT - A DEEPLY MOVED KOOL-AID
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
We see a SERIES OF SHOTS as the helicopter flies across hills and between valleys, occasionally shuddering.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Kool-Aid is looking out the cargo door while Fox is nervously checking his watch. The men SHOUT to be heard.
FOX
We can't go faster than this we won't make
it. You've gotta go over these mountains.
Hard Bones struggles with the controls.
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The helicopter starts to climb but immediately begins to vibrate dangerously. It also begins crabbing, a sideways drift.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Hard Bones lowers the collective. The helicopter stops climbing and the vibrations and drift cease.
HARD BONES
Damn! If I keep this up we'll vibrate to bits.
No way I can get over these mountains!
KOOL-AID
I'd hate to miss the victory celebration!
FOX
What victory celebration?
KOOL-AID
When we win in 'nam!
FOX
Only victory celebration in 'nam
you'll ever attend is the one
Charlie invites you to!
KOOL-AID
Hell, get me back there and watch
me kick ass! Hey, Hard Bones! We
gonna make it or not?..Hard Bones,
are we gonna make it on time?!
FOX
What's the matter with you?
Hard Bones speaks without turning.
HARD BONES
I'm not leaving them.
For a few moments there are only the SOUNDS of the turbine engine and the rotor blades.
KOOL-AID
Say again?
HARD BONES
I'm not leaving Chinese on a
mountaintop to die. Not this
time. Not again. I asked for
a second chance: this is it.
Hard Bones banks the helicopter and the vibrations increase.
KOOL-AID
Hard Bones, we can't help
them! We miss this chance,
we'll never get back!
FOX
He's right, Hard Bones. This
isn't our...century.
HARD BONES
I don't give a damn what
century we're in, we still
have to live with ourselves.
FOX
Hard Bones-
HARD BONES
I'm the aircraft commander. I say
again, I'm not leaving them. You
gentlemen didn't want to be here
you shouldn't have signed up for
the Ch'ing Dynasty Holiday Excursion
Package Tour in the first place!
REACTION SHOTS - KOOL-AID and FOX
KOOL-AID
Look, Hard Bones, I understand how
you feel but think how I feel.
People who died last century are
alive and well and trying to kill me!
HARD BONES
I know some people in 'nam trying
to kill you.
KOOL-AID
Yeah, right, but in 'nam I only got
Charlie trying to kill me. Here, I
got pirates and Manchus and Chinese,
and Tigers of War and-
HARD BONES
And I say we've been given a second
chance to do the right thing; and this
time I'm not leaving Chinese to die.
For several seconds, the men are silent. Finally, Kool-Aid opens an ammunition crate and begins preparing his M-60 for action.
KOOL-AID
Well, if you're dumb enough to
challenge a man-o'-war with a
busted-up gunship you'll need a
door-gunner who knows his black
ass from a hole-in-the-ground.
HARDBONES
Thanks, Kool-Aid.
KOOL-AID
What the hell. I can't do any
worse in the 19th century than
I been doin' in the 20th. Be-
sides, I got a debt to collect
on behalf of Wizard.
Fox doesn't move for several seconds then slowly reaches up and pulls down the pantographic sight of the miniguns.
FOX
All right, I'm with you.
HARD BONES
I'm sorry, Fox.
FOX
Fuck you sorry about?
HARD BONES
You're married. You got kids.
FOX
Hell, that's why I'm with you.
FAST CUT TO:
EXT. HELICOPTER FLYING NOSE DOWN AT TOP SPEED - DAY
EXT. MOUNTAIN - DAY
Fighting is raging all the way from the pagoda to the landing zone. The defenders - villagers and Taipings - on the side of the mountain are making a desperate stand against a much greater force. Despite their bravery, they are unable to prevent the pirates and their allies from fighting their way up the mountain.
We see Pidgin (wearing Kool-Aid's battle helmet) use the last of the grenades Kool-Aid gave him. He is also very accurate with the M-16 but as he reaches for another clip he sees that the ammo box is empty. He retrieves a flintlock from a fallen companion, loads and fires.
Ai-ling and her warriors are making effective use of their bows-and-arrows. Chinese combatants on both sides are fighting each other with exotic Chinese weapons in hand-to-hand combat on the ground and in the pagoda.
Gathered in the bay at the base of the mountain are dozens of picturesque boats including the "scrambling dragon" and all types of makeshift small Chinese junks, jolly boats, gigs and sampans with sails. These are the landing crafts of the pirates.
Two Tigers of War are about to hurl their spears at a defenseless Pidgin. Suddenly, we see and HEAR the whummph, whummph, WHUMMPH, of the helicopter as the main rotor blades rise in a cyclic climb above the hill. For several seconds, all action on the ground is frozen as the combatants look at the rising helicopter in awe.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
HARD BONES
They're too close to use the
rockets! Kool-Aid, I'll make
a pass and you show them what
you can do with that machine
gun of yours.
KOOL-AID
You got it!
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The chopper rolls over and makes its pass, zooming down the incline at treetop level. Kool-Aid is furiously firing his M-60 machine gun at the pirates nearest the boats.
On the ground, the pirates, especially the Chinese, are deathly afraid and throw down their guns and run toward the bay with Pidgin and his friends firing after them.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
We continue to see the action on the ground through the helicopter's windshield, chin bubble and doors. As the men on board SPEAK, Hard Bones begins a climb.
FOX
If we're goin' after the frigate
I don't think we should use much
ammo on those boats.
HARD BONES
We might not have to use any ammo.
FOX
How's that?
HARD BONES
Remember when Major White took his
main Vietnamese squeeze out in his
fiberglass sloop at Qui Nhon?
FOX
Yeah. And somebody came along in a
gunship and flared so the chopper's
rotor wash blew the Major and his
Vietnamese honey into the South
China Sea.
KOOL-AID
You sayin' that was you?
HARD BONES
I'm just sayin' it's a tactic
that's worth a try.
KOOL-AID
(laughing)
Man, I never saw a major so mad.
FOX
Or so wet!
EXT. BAY - DAY
Hard Bones banks the vibrating helicopter, dead-drops in place for a few seconds, and then rolls in for a pass flying the helicopter three feet above the water at 140 knots. About two hundred yards from each vessel, the helicopter flares back, tail skimming the water, skids raised karate-style, and sends its rotor wash to fill mainsails, jibs and mizzen sails. One by one, as the helicopter zigzags forward, each of the small boats is capsized by the rotor wash.
Panic-stricken Chinese pirates and their crews jump ignominiously into the South China Sea. Hard Bones works the controls, abruptly sending the nose down, buzzes straight over the capsized vessels and streaks off into the distance.
HARD BONES
Now let's find that fucking boat.
EXT. DECK OF FRIGATE - DAY
Greenwood is walking across the quarterdeck of the ship. He suddenly stops and listens. He hears the faint but increasingly LOUD SOUND of whump, WHUUMP, WHUUMP! He runs across the deck, readying his weapon while SHOUTING.
GREENWOOD
The chopper! Get the men to
battle stations!
The pirate chief speaks through his brass speaking trumpet.
PIRATE CHIEF
Clear the decks for battle! Hands
to quarters!
We see and hear the boatswains' mates' SHRILL PIPES alerting all hands and the drummer's ROLL OF THE DRUM sending them to battle stations. In a SERIES OF SHOTS men rush about, swiftly clearing for action.
A man at the bow of the ship on the headrails answering the call of nature hurriedly pulls up his breeches and joins other men scurrying up the ratlines of the shrouds. Men rush to prepare rows of Congreve rockets set out along port and starboard, bow and stern.
GUN CREW CAPTAINS
Clear for action! Cast loose your
guns!
Cannon and swivel guns on the main deck are being uncovered and untied. Minie rifles, muskets, flintlocks and cutlasses are rapidly drawn from the arms locker and passed to crew members.
Men scramble up the rigging to man the fighting tops with rifles. Sails and decks are splashed with water to protect against fire.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Hard Bones slows the chopper and, with great effort, manages to keep it in a perfect hover. Through the windshield, the masts and sails of the frigate appear in the distance.
KOOL-AID
Thar she blows!
FOX
That's for spotting whales, you
idiot!
KOOL-AID
Oh, ain't you Moby Fucking Dick!
Well, I got a dick you can-
HARD BONES
All right, listen up! we are about
to go into battle with a very formidable
adversary and if you don't want your
collective ass blown all over the
South China Sea, then I suggest you
start taking this seriously!
KOOL-AID
Aye aye, Captain, one cannon ball
hits this chopper and we're history.
HARD BONES
You're forgetting we already are
history, Kool-Aid.
FOX
They want to surrender, they just
haul down their flag, right?
HARD BONES
Yep. They strike their colors.
FOX
How do we communicate if we want to
surrender?
Hard Bones glances back at Kool-Aid and then at Fox.
HARD BONES
We kick Kool-Aid out of the helicopter.
REACTION SHOT - KOOL-AID
INT. BELOW DECKS OF SHIP - DAY
While the powder monkeys rush gunpowder and shot from the shot lockers up to the cannon crews, men frantically rush to the gun deck. Chests, casks and tables, whatever might splinter during battle, are rushed to the hold or simply cast overboard.
In a SERIES OF SHOTS we see inside various dimly lit rooms: the ship's carpenter quickly setting out his tools and materials ready to repair any damage which enemy fire inflicts on rigging or hull; the ship's surgeon laying out his instruments - including saws and "dismembring blades" - ready to deal with the inevitable carnage of battle.
Men working by the glassed-off dim light of spark-proof lanterns carefully removing canvas-covered tubes of gunpowder. An American pirate retrieving a cross from his slop chest, kissing it, and placing it around his neck. Chinese sailors kneeling before the shrine of the Goddess of Heaven.
Well-armed sentries guard the fore and aft hatches preventing men from hiding in the hold during battle.
At the gun deck, all gunport lids are raised. Crews spread sand and salt on the deck so they will not slip in their own blood.
We see the guns of the port and starboard batteries being untied and men hauling on the train-tackles until the thick breech ropes are taut. Each cannon is readied for firing and is then run out with its muzzle pointing through the gunport. The crews then stand by with lit hemp cords on their lint stocks (slow matches) for the order to fire.
Men employ a handspike under the gun carriage to maneuver the cannon left or right toward the helicopter. As the above actions are occurring, each gun crew's captain SHOUTS out the same orders, one after the other. One man vomits from fright.
GUN CAPTAINS
Load your guns!...Run out your guns!...
Prime!...Point your guns!...Full
elevation!
The gun crews elevate the guns to maximum elevation.
GUN CAPTAINS (cont)
Stand to your guns!...Steady...
Steady...Make ready!...
POV - HELICOPTER CREW
Hard Bones has edged the helicopter closer to the frigate. The ship is a magnificent sight: Its sails are billowing in the breeze and the bows of the ship are gracefully rising and falling in the rolling waves.
Its skull-and-bones pirate ensign at the mizzen-peak and colorful pennants at the other masts are flying in the breeze. Facing the helicopter are grinning tiers of cannon, 24-pounders on the main deck and 32-pounders on the gun deck.
Beneath the low cloud bank, sea gulls are trailing the ship. Occasional whitecaps break the swell of the pea-green sea. Hard Bones keeps pace with the ship as it plows through the waves at about ten knots.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The chopper's altitude is only slightly higher than the height of the mainmast. The helicopter crew is in awe at the sight of the frigate in full sail.
HARD BONES
My God, it's beautiful!
FOX
Yeah, beautiful like a scorpion.
HARD BONES
How's that?
FOX
They got their rockets positioned
at both bow and stern so that however
we approach we face either rockets
or cannon or both.
KOOL-AID
Their mainmast must be over
two hundred feet high! How
in hell did pirates get hold
of something like that?
HARD BONES
The Manchus bought it from the
British to fight the Taipings.
Then the pirates grabbed it.
KOOL-AID
Hot damn, Uncle Sam!
EXT. FRIGATE - DAY
The men on deck have rushed to the starboard side to stare at the helicopter.
PIRATE
Jesus in heaven, it's the devil!
SECOND PIRATE
We'll all be in Davy Jones's Locker
before this day is over.
The men manning the cannons are obviously very much afraid. Some are crossing themselves. One or two begin to desert their posts. They almost run into the pirate captain.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Get back to your posts!
One of them hesitates while the other keeps running toward the forwardmost hatch. The pirate captain pulls a pistol from his belt.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Goddamn ye! Stand to your guns!
The man continues running. The pirate captain aims the flintlock at him and fires. The back of the man's head is blown away. The other men return to their posts.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The men on the helicopter prepare for battle, readying the machine gun, flicking switches, pressing buttons, arming rockets, positioning the gunsight, etc.
KOOL-AID
I always thought I would die
in bed.
FOX
You will. A riverbed.
KOOL-AID
That's real funny, Fox.
HARD BONES
Nothing like facing a cannon ball
from a pirate ship in the South
China Sea to give a man a new
perspective on life.
FOX
Yeah, Kool-Aid, we lose this one
and you get a real colorful
obituary.
KOOL-AID
No way, man. Let's slam-dunk
these fuckers!
HARDBONES
Guns ready?
FOX
Ready.
KOOL-AID
Ready.
EXT. BATTLE SCENE - DAY
Hard Bones flies the helicopter several hundred yards beyond the bow of the ship and then turns the helicopter to face it. As the helicopter noses slowly forward, the frigate plows through the waves straight toward it. It is as if two automobiles facing each other in a narrow alley are revving up to play chicken. We CUT BACK AND FORTH between the determined expressions of men on the ship and in the helicopter:
Between the sinister female figurehead of the frigate and the woman on the helicopter's nose art; from the mainmast and mizzenmast of the ship to the main rotor and tail rotor of the helicopter. From the tattooed forearms of the gunners (with mermaids and sea monsters) to the gloved hands of Hard Bones and Fox. From the ship's compass and binnacle to the helicopter's instrument panel. From the ship's wheel to the chopper's cyclic and collective.
From the pods of the helicopter's rockets to the metallic cases on the Congreve rockets. From the muzzles of the cannon to the muzzles of the six-barrelled mini guns of the helicopter. From the olive green flight helmets to the pirates' black knit stocking caps and tarpaulin hats.
From gunners blowing on the ends of the lit "slow matches," ready to touch their glowing ends to the priming powder to Kool-Aid's finger on his M-60 machine gun. From the SILENCE on deck and CREAKING of timber and rigging and CRIES of the sea gulls to the SOUNDS of the turbine engine and rotors of the helicopter. From the Jolly Roger flying in the breeze to the UNITED STATES ARMY on the helicopter's tail boom.
EXT. SHORE - DAY
We see the Chinese gathered at the shore watching the two specks in the distance. The CAMERA moves in for a CLOSE-UP of the ferocious tiger face painted on the rattan shield of a fallen Chinese tiger of war.
EXT. FRIGATE - DAY
The CAMERA moves in for a CLOSE-UP of the fierce lion face carved into the frigate's starboard cathead.
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The CAMERA moves in for a CLOSE-UP of the face of the dragon.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Hard Bones peers at the ship through modern binoculars and on the foredeck a smirking Greenwood is staring back through a three-drawer brass telescope of the period. He is wearing two sets of ears around his neck.
Greenwood gestures upward and Hard Bones moves the binoculars in that direction. He pauses, then hands the binoculars to Fox.
HARDBONES
Mainmast! Right at the top.
Fox moves the binoculars to the top of the mainmast then stops abruptly. He hands the binoculars to Kool-Aid. Kool-Aid moves them to the top of the mainmast and focuses.
POV - KOOL-AID
Just below a colorful banner, we see Wizard's head secured to the mast, bobbing in the wind. His ears have been cut off.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Kool-Aid slowly takes the binoculars from his eyes. Mixed with his tears is determination and the need for revenge.
KOOL-AID
That makes it personal.
Hard Bones takes all weapons off safety. Red lights on.
HARD BONES
Going hot!
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Flying just beneath the massive cloud bank, less than two hundred and fifty feet above sea level, the helicopter banks, lowers its nose and flies forward, toward the frigate's starboard bow.
EXT. BATTLE SCENE - DAY
A round of missiles is fired at the frigate. They WHOOSH in around the ship in curved, inaccurate trajectories, churning up water but none hitting the ship. Fox depresses the "deadman" switch and opens up with the chopper's mini guns. Bullet holes appear in the sails and deck; various spars of the frigate are blown apart into flying scraps of wood. Several bullet holes appear in the face of the figurehead.
Men in the fighting tops aiming minie rifles at the helicopter fall wounded into the sea. Congreve rockets are fired from the frigate's bow, making a horrible WHOOSH and SCREAM as they narrowly miss the helicopter.
EXT. MAIN DECK OF FRIGATE - DAY
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Standby to tack ship!
As the men carry out their orders, we HEAR each order repeated down the line. We see the men on the ship going through a frantic tactical maneuver and the ship's bow passing through the eye of the wind. As tacking takes several minutes, the maneuver is intercut with battle scenes.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
HARD BONES
She's tacking.
Hard Bones presses the button sending more rockets out.
EXT. MAIN DECK OF FRIGATE - DAY
Rockets whiz about the ship to plunge harmlessly into the water, only one tearing away some rigging as it passes.
INT. GUN DECK OF FRIGATE - DAY
GUN CREW CAPTAINS
Discharge cannon on the uproll! Load
quick and fire high! Fire as you bear!
As the cannon are fired, the gunners jump aside to avoid the cannon's enormous recoil. Guns plunge inboard straining against their tackles. The men beside the cannon hold their ears and we hear enormous EXPLOSIONS of discharging cannon and see smoke pouring out of the barrels and from the vent holes of the cannon.
EXT. MAIN DECK OF FRIGATE - DAY
On deck, congreve rockets are roaring out toward the helicopter. Men are pointing rifles and firing the smaller deck cannon.
A rocket from the helicopter passes just over the deck but explodes at the ship's stern destroying sheep pens and hen coops, sending the surviving ducks and geese rushing about the deck mad with fright.
Greenwood, clutching his M-16, runs to the starboard shroud of the mainmast, climbs a few of the ratlines, aims at the chopper and fires.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Fire at will!
GUN CAPTAINS
Fire at will!
INT. GUN DECK - DAY
Thick smoke is swirling about the gun deck greatly hindering anyone from seeing anything. Despite pushing their thumbs into their ears as the cannons are fired, some of the men are soon not able to hear anything in the incredible NOISE. They are temporarily deafened. As the helicopter's miniguns spray the gun deck through the gunports, we see lips moving and men SCREAMING in unbearable agony but we can't HEAR the sounds.
In a ferocious battle scene being carried out in eerie SILENCE, they work with the guns, sponging out barrels and reloading, by making and following gestures. In the horror of battle we see lips moving as follows:
GUN CREW CAPTAINS
Stop the vent!...Sponge!...Load!...
Run out!...Prime!...Point!...Elevate!...
ready...
POV - MEN ON HELICOPTER
Columns of smoke from the frigate's cannons are eddying about her cordage and, immediately after, some cannon balls and rockets splash in the water below the helicopter and some pass just beside it. Only then does the BOOMING OF CANNON reach the ears of the men in the helicopter.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
FOX
That was close!
KOOL-AID
Jesus Christ! I'm actually
getting shot at by a fucking
cannon ball?!
Kool-Aid fires his machine gun at men on the ship as congreve rockets whiz by the helicopter. One rocket passes right through the cargo area of the helicopter, in one cargo door and out the other.
REACTION SHOT - A STUNNED KOOL-AID
As cannon blast and BOOM from below, the men on the helicopter watch the approach of a chain-shot style cannonball as it heads right for the cockpit, then passes just over it briefly entangling itself in the main rotor blades before passing on.
The helicopter shudders terribly, then returns to normal. The men stare at one another, knowing how close they came to death.
EXT. BATTLE SCENE - DAY
As the helicopter flies over the ship, Greenwood fires his M-16 and other crew members fire swivel guns, flintlocks and minie rifles. Bullets PING and SNIP off the helicopter.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Kool-Aid SHOUTS to Fox.
KOOL-AID
Hear that?
FOX
What?
KOOL-AID
My favorite breakfast cereal:
snap, crackle and pop!
EXT. BATTLE SCENE - DAY
As Hard Bones flies low over the frigate's deck, skimming lines and sails, Kool-Aid throws grenades out the cargo door, one after the other.
KOOL-AID
Bon voyage, motherfucker!
Below we see the first two grenades explode on the deck of the ship killing and wounding several of the crew.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Hard Bones suddenly banks to narrowly avoid a congreve rocket, and we see the third of Kool-Aid's grenades hit the inner roof of the helicopter and land near the door. Kool-Aid kicks it out just in time and it explodes very close to the chopper.
FOX
Whose side are you on?!
EXT. BATTLE SCENE - DAY
As the helicopter flies off to make another pass, cannon from the other side of the ship open fire in a furious discharge, again narrowly missing the Huey. The frigate is rocked by the power of its own broadside.
Congreve rockets continue to whiz past the helicopter as it turns, banks and again flies nose down straight at the ship.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
HARD BONES
All right, gentlemen, the wheel
stops now - place your bets.
Hard Bones begins skillful maneuvering with his controls - collective, cyclic, anti-torque rotor.
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The Huey comes to a quick stop, darts backward, sideways, then hovers again, throwing off the aim of anyone on the ship. The chopper then lowers its nose and continues toward the frigate. Fox is holding the hand grip of his mini gun sight, peering through the sight, firing in short bursts. Suddenly, the guns jam. Fox presses the trigger desperately trying to fire them.
FOX
Damn! She's jammed!
Hard Bones lets loose with several pair of rockets.
EXT. MAIN DECK OF FRIGATE - DAY
Again the rocket trajectory is skewered but this time one passes through the main topgallant sail before landing in the water while another passes by the bow of the ship destroying the figurehead.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
HARD BONES
I can't hit them this way! I'm
goin' in close!
FOX
That's suicide! You'll place us right
in front of their cannon muzzles!
HARD BONES
Can't help it! The rockets won't fly
straight and I've only got two left!
I'm goin' in!
Fox GROANS in protest and picks up his flintlock. He cocks the hammer and pushes the barrel out.
EXT. BATTLE SCENE - DAY
The helicopter flies toward the ship, almost at deck level. The last two rockets leave the helicopter just as the frigate's cannon flash in a ferocious broadside.
INT. GUN DECK OF FRIGATE - DAY
We see the approach of the helicopter from the POV of cannon crews watching through their open gunports. As they fire their cannon, the rockets from the helicopter crash into them, instantly incinerating some while sending a mass of lethal splinters into other men who begin SCREAMING. Gun crew captains SHOUT orders to load and fire even as their men slip in the blood of their own wounds. A loose cannon crushes a man to death.
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The helicopter rises above the deck of the ship as the cannon balls whiz a few feet below the cockpit. A cannon ball destroys one of the skids of the chopper, knocking the helicopter off center until Hard Bones manages to straighten it.
Bullets smash into the helicopter's skin. One of the pirates throws a grappling hook at the helicopter which catches its main rotor blades, then flies off. Fox kills the man with his flintlock. The helicopter SOUNDS as if it is about to fly apart.
INT. BELOW DECKS OF FRIGATE - DAY
SERIES OF SHOTS: Wounded men are being carried down to the "cockpit" where the surgeon is operating. Men are being held down while their limbs are amputated; their only pain-killer: rum. The bucket of amputated, tattooed limbs is filling fast. Men are CURSING, SCREAMING, PRAYING, dying.
In the gun deck, the overworked gunners are sponging out barrels of overheated cannon. The men are stripped to the waist, their bodies glistening with sweat and smeared with the blood of those fallen, and their arms and faces are black from the smoke. Dead men are quickly thrown through the portholes into the water.
The ship's carpenters are desperately trying to repair holes in the hull with wooden shot plugs and lead sheets. But the destruction caused by the rockets is too great and the ship is now taking on water.
EXT. MAIN DECK OF FRIGATE - DAY
Flames race up the sail hit by the rocket and sparks from its fire cause several small fires below. Men rush about with wet blankets and buckets of water and sand to deal with the fires.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
As Hard Bones is trying to keep the vibrating helicopter steady it flies in erratic paths about the ship. Kool-Aid opens up with his machine gun.
FOX
Try to start more fires, Kool-Aid!
KOOL-AID
Don't you worry, my man, red sails
in the sunset is my specialty!
EXT. MAIN DECK OF FRIGATE - DAY
The machine gun riddles the frigate's masts, yards and sails and cuts rigging to pieces. Spars are splintered. Men fall from rigging and fighting tops. Lines break loose and whip through pulley-blocks; bullets ring the ship's bell. On deck amid growing chaos the ships' mates SCREAM at men trying desperately to replace lines and torn-away sails CRACKING in the wind.
The pirate captain rushes to lower their "colors" to surrender.
GREENWOOD
Hey! What the hell you think
you're doing?!
PIRATE CAPTAIN
My men are being massacred! I'm
surrendering the ship!
GREENWOOD
(to himself)
The hell you will.
Greenwood aims his M-16 and fires a long burst sending the captain over the gunwale and into the sea.
EXT. BATTLE SCENE - DAY
As the helicopter makes another pass, Greenwood climbs hurriedly aloft to the royal yard, high above the deck of the ship. He walks out along the footrope below a tattered sail and leans out precariously. He fires his M-16 at the helicopter, adding still more bullet holes to the windshield.
INT. HELICOPTER – DAY
As bullets ricochet inside the cockpit and cargo area, one grazes Hard Bones's hand; another grazes his leg. Gages are shattered. As thick, acrid smoke pours from an electrical fire in the cockpit, Fox wields the hand fire extinguisher.
EXT. BATTLE SCENE - DAY
Hard Bones makes no attempt to evade the fire and we hear the PINGS of the bullets and see a few pass through the helicopter's windshield. Hard Bones seems about to pass by, drawing Greenwood to lean out even farther. Greenwood aims directly at Hard Bones.
GREENWOOD
Bye bye, asshole.
Hard Bones suddenly banks the chopper and dead-drops several feet.
CLOSE UP - Greenwood belatedly attempting to duck back in. As he grabs for a line while still aiming at Hard Bones, he accidentally grabs Wizard's wildly bobbing head. As Greenwood reacts and lets go, he loses his balance and backs too far out.
A blade from the main rotor of the chopper cuts through the backstays and braces and instantly severs Greenwood's head from its body.
His severed head slams against the chopper's Plexiglas windshield, smashing the windshield to pieces, then continues on downward and into the sea. The body tumbles onto various lines spinning and cartwheeling to the deck.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Hard Bones turns toward Wizard's head and salutes.
A shot from a swivel gun rips off the Huey's chin bubble beneath Hard Bones's feet. Blood drips from his hand. Hard Bones pulls hard on the collective and the helicopter roars upward. The red hydraulics light comes on. The chopper shudders dangerously and begins spiraling toward the water.
EXT. CHINESE ON SHORE - DAY
The action has moved closer to shore and the Chinese watch the helicopter's plunge with great concern. Pidgin jumps into a dinghy and SCREAMS at others to jump in and row.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
As the sea rushes toward them, Hard Bones works the controls and manages to stabilize the helicopter seconds before it would have crashed. He begins a dangerously shuddering ascent. The helicopter is vibrating and making an incredible RACKET.
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
In a CLOSE-UP on the rotor blades and fuselage of the helicopter, we see bamboo strips and ox-hide leather strips tearing. Lines from the ship are entangled in the main rotor blades.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
HARD BONES
Let me make one more pass. That's
all I ask. Then I can die happy.
EXT. BATTLE SCENE - DAY
On the next pass Kool-Aid's machine gun bullets riddle the main deck. The British pirate Hard Bones tied up is standing on the quarterdeck, aiming Kool-Aid's M-16 at the helicopter. As he fires, machine gun bullets slam into his body. As he falls to the deck, burning rigging and spars crash on top of him.
Flames begin licking up the spars, smoldering along the rigging, and swallowing the yards until, as one by one the masts let go, a flaming mass of wood and cordage hurls itself into the sea with a hissing cloud of steam.
INT. MAGAZINE ROOM OF FRIGATE - DAY
A seaman is running from flames licking at spilled gunpowder.
SEAMAN
Fire in the magazine! Abandon ship!
EXT. BATTLE SCENE - DAY
Suddenly, with an enormous ROAR, the frigate explodes. After the bright white flame, a tremendous spiral of smoke gushes skyward. Debris fills the sky. The Jolly Roger pirate ensign is blown into the helicopter's tail rotor blades.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
KOOL-AID
We did it!
Suddenly there is a LOUD BANG. The helicopter begins a sudden and fast descent.
HARD BONES
We're hit! Must be debris from the
explosion! We're going down!
Fox observes Hard Bones beginning the emergency autorotation sequence. They SHOUT to each other.
FOX
We're too damn low for a
controlled autorotation!
HARD BONES
Who said anything about 'controlled'?!
EXT. HELICOPTER - DAY
The force of uprushing air pinwheels the rotor blades providing an unsteady but controlled decent toward the water, but as it moves forward in its erratic glide, the chopper begins spinning.
INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
HARD BONES
No tail rotor! Prepare for
hard landing!
KOOL-AID
Flare! Flare! Flare!
As they near the ground Hard Bones frantically works the controls to maintain the forward airspeed and slow the descent. Just before impact, the craft glides above the water and then slowly settles into it. Hard Bones rolls it to stop the blades, and water immediately rushes in through the cargo doors and into the cockpit. The men unbuckle their seat harnesses and crawl out.
EXT. SEA - DAY
The three whip off their flight helmets and swim toward shore. The Chinese are furiously rowing out boats to aid them. The men scramble into the boats. Pidgin grabs hold of Kool-Aid and helps haul him in. Kool-Aid grimaces in pain.
PIDGIN
Mastah, you come back! How you dooa?
KOOL-AID
I just had my sorry black ass
autorotated by a maniac pilot
and you ask, 'How I dooa?'
PIDGIN
But you come back!
KOOL-AID
Yeah. I missed the food.
Pidgin, with tears in his eyes, stares at Kool-Aid. Kool-Aid begins a black handshake which Pidgin returns perfectly. Kool-Aid then gives him a hug.
They are quickly rowed to shore where they join the others.
EXT. SHORE - DAY
Ai-ling walks to Hard Bones, removes her helmet and headscarf and begins wiping the blood from his hand. Hard Bones moves his hand to her cheek. She reacts as if to pull back but then allows him to keep it there until she gently brings it down. For a few moments they watch the hulk of the frigate burn and the helicopter disappear beneath the waves.
Pidgin takes off Kool-Aid's steel helmet and places it on Kool-Aid's head. Ai-ling places Hard Bones's helmet on his head. The old man removes Fox's helmet and places it on his head.
Hard Bones glances at Kool-Aid. He reaches up to the band on Kool-Aid's helmet, pulls out the spoon and throws it away. He then gestures to the old man's chopstick holder at his belt. The old man smiles and gives it to Hard Bones who places the chopsticks in the band where the spoon had been. Other Chinese replace Fox's spoon and Hard Bones's spoon with chopsticks.
HARD BONES
That makes it official.
Hard Bones whips out a smart salute.
HARD BONES (cont)
Gentlemen, welcome to the Ch'ing
Dynasty.
Kool-Aid and Fox return the salutes.
FOX
You think anybody will remember
us back there?
KOOL-AID
Yeah. Major White. He'd like
to courtmartial our ass for
disappearing with his chopper.
Led by Hard Bones, the group begins slowly walking away from the scene. Kool-Aid looks at the women warriors of the Taiping army walking with them.
KOOL-AID
Whatever happened to the Taipings,
anyway?
HARD BONES
They almost won. Then the British
and Americans weighed in on the
Manchu side and the Taipings were
massacred.
KOOL-AID
Oh, what the hell. Even Clark Gable
went for the losing side in Gone With
the Wind.
FOX
That's it, Kool-Aid. You can be the
Clark Gable of the Ch'ing Dynasty.
Kool-Aid glances at one of the attractive women Taiping soldiers who smiles back at him.
KOOL-AID
Fucking-A right I can!
Hard Bones and Fox exchange smiles.
As the group turns to take one last look at the still burning and smoldering wreckage of the frigate HISSING in the water, the CAMERA TILTS UP to the sky. The cloud bank is dissolving and patches of light are shining through individual clouds, brilliantly backlighting others.
The scene DISSOLVES to a MATCH CUT and the clouds become reflections on the highly polished, fine-grained black granite wall panels of the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington D.C. Even as we begin to hear the (V.O.) WHUMPH of the Huey's rotor blades, the CAMERA CHANGES FOCUS and we see the names of each of the six men, and a cross beside each name (which, on the wall, symbolizes missing in action or unaccounted for).
The CAMERA SLOWLY PULLS BACK to a BIRD'S EYE VIEW of the wall, Lincoln Memorial and Washington Monument. FX: Loud rotor blades.
FADE OUT
THE END
Copyright Dean Barrett 2014
Dragon Slayer is now one of three novellas in the book DRAGON SLAYER.